slothy

Scissors Coup Loser-on-loser (see loser-on-loser) play perfected by my mohel.

Rubber Bridge (n.) A form of bridge played by gentlemen content with their current number of offspring.

Red (n.) What you see when your partner goes off 1 doubled.

Pass-or-correct A bid that is neither passable nor correct.

Partnership bidding (n) An exclusive area in BBO where one bids hands perfectly that never seem to appear anywhere else on the site.

Light Opening (n.) An opening with few HCPs that tends to leave partner in the dark.

Bottom (n) That part of your anatomy that gets kicked when you go for 500 and the opponents at the other 11 tables are allowed to make 420.

Isolating The Menace (v.) The act of ensuring that the weakest player in the team sits out until the round where a win is guaranteed.

Insult (n.) The 50 or so expletives thrown at you by your partner when you let an opponent's doubled contract through.

Expert Analysis (n.) See Anal.

Commentators Block (n) Where kibbitzers wish a person analysing hands played on vugraph and gets it wrong an embarrassing number of times would place his head.

To Go To Bed With (intrans v.) The last thing one can expect to do with one's wife later on that night when partnering her after declarer ruffs the ace one has tenaciously held on to for 4 tricks.

Eight ever, nine never The number of tricks one invariably makes when playing in a cold 3NT.

Dummy play (n.) How your partner describes your declarer play to your team-mates in the post-mortem when you go to the toilet.

Deschapelles coup (n.) The excuse one gives for allowing opponents to make 13 tricks when you hold an offside king.

Cash (n.) What you pay an opponent not to take the setting trick

Bye (interjection) Parting remark of your partner when you score 28.7% in the No Fear Bridge Tourney

BAM (n.) Form of scoring that was partly invented by Barney Rubble's daughter.

Fast Arrival (n.) The outcome of your morning love-making when play starts at 9:20 a.m.

Alternate Definition: The response one gets from alerting (see alert) your partner to a new-fangled bid you just added to your system by extending your foot so that it brutishly comes into contact with her shin.

Advance (v.) The nonchalant requesting of your new female partner after the bridge game if she wants to come to your apartment and see your latest Mauritanian stamp you had acquired off EBay as your latest addition to your philately collection

Appeal (n.) The heap of satsuma rind left under your opponent's chair after he needed a fructose boost on listening to the director reel off 6 laws from the Directors Handbook when he called him to the table following your partner's decision to bid over your 3 minute hesitation

Gambling 3NT (n.) A bid made where there is a 100% probability of opponents playing in their only making 4-3 major suit game and partner being on lead with a void in your long minor.

Unassuming Cue Bid (n.) A cue bid of an opponents suit you assume that your partner will bid over and never does.

Double Fit (n) The epileptic reaction of both your opponents when your partners rape alarm suddenly and mysteriously goes off.