slothy

GIB (acronym) Double dummy analyser integrated into the BBO software which i will pay Fred Gitelman 200 BBO$ (payable 4 months hence) if he allowed me exclusive access to it as declarer and defender.

2over1 (n.) 1. =2 2. See SAYC. 3. A system where responder playing in 1NT is always the optimal contract. 4. The nik of a man from Chicago (see Chicago - Bridge Movements) who is most beautiful with a black background. (eheheh)

Head-to-Head (adj.) How you wish your opponents would come into contact with each other after they bid a 18% game.

Half Table (n.) 1. An extra pair at a duplicate game. 2. The fractional population of your table after the curry you ate earlier that evening has digested itself in a way you found difficult to control ( your p is one of those unfortunate people who lost her sense of smell when due to a cosmetic surgical fiasco she 'cut off her nose to spite her face' )

Zia (v.) Warning: This word is not allowed in scrabble! The cueing of a suit in which one has a poor holding that an opponent was never going to lead in the first place but is conveniently alerted to the fact that leading it may now be a good idea. Coincidentally, the Zia is also the name of a tribe from Papua New Guinea where the probability of being the victim of such a cue-bid in one of their Congresses (for some odd reason they never seem to attract The Fantonis and Aukens of this world) is drastically reduced.

Sponsor (n.) 1. Bridge player extraordinaire to whom one says 'Well Done, marvellous' for making his contract even though he made 3 tricks less than everyone else. 2. Wake up and smell the coffee

Escape (v.) What one feels like doing after 2 hours of bridge with a lousy p.

Switch (n.) What you want to do as a partner when yours leads the Ace of your singleton and then plays a trump.

Stop (v.) 1. a quiet exclamation to inform the opponents of a skip-bid warning; 2. a more vociferous exclamation to one's partner encapsulating quite accurately what you believe he should do with his bridge.

Squeeze Without The Count (n.) A squeeze executed by your partner where he failed to count the number of tricks he had to accumulate to make the contract.

Rectifying The Count (v.) The act of reducing the number of players at the table by 1 by telling your partner to leave so that you can actually have a decent game of bridge.

Acol (n.) A bidding system i swear by with a partner I swear at.

Striped-tail ape double (n.) A X made by partner resulting in opponents playing in 4SXX+2 which proves beyond any doubt that your partner is the missing link between ourselves and other primates

Go Down (v.) :o

lol I have spent over 20 mins reading this thread and still cant figure out what the point of it was. Fred, i think you made your point, and you tried, with bited tongue, to make it again and again. Personally, i agree with most of what you said but I think you're wasting your breath and you are preaching, with respect to a couple of personae, to the inconvertible :)

Peter (v. and n.) The name of your favourite BBO partner who you love to play with as he is your age, has your sense of humour and your attitude towards bridge, and then one day you find out it's actually a 73 year old woman called Gertrude who has 9 cats and she also logs in as Paul, Barry, Frank and Tom; your 4 other favourite partners.

Discovery play (n.) A play intended to obtain information about the location of outstanding cards that your partner always seems to discover in the bar after the match.

Defense (n.) That thing upon which de partner always sits when an important counter-play has to be made

'Coup without a name' (.n)

Bust (n.) A very weak hand a woman keeps close to her very large chest.

Board (n. adj.) The ennui one feels after playing a hand of bridge with someone who has as much intelligence as a lobotomised tadpole.

Blank (n. adj.) The look on your partner's face when you explain to the palooka that the only way you could have set the contract was if he let the queen run round to your stiff king.

Backward finesse (n.) The finesse of the ten that your partner unnecessarily took and the only reason you can think he did so was because he is retarded.

Attitude (n.) That personality trait that worsens in the partner you mentored who now thinks he is better than you.

Onside / Offside (.adj) Onside : The placing of a critical honour card when you are defending. Offside : The placing of a critical honour card when you are declaring.