slothy

Welcome to the forums McG.... (May i suggest that you dont press your face too hard against a window-screen..) Your singular post is one which i took to heart. It is very rare that i get thanked on this forum by anybody. Alas, perhaps i expect too much. They are a vicious bunch on here McG <_< very willing to remove the brake-pads off your wheel-chair given half the chance. they criticise you mercilessly, want their pound of flesh ( which unfortunately is normally (one of) your kidney(s)) and only agree with anything you say if they happened to say it themselves in a previous thread somewhere...So, for the latin scholars amongst you my moto is "Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. Vescere bracis meis." hee hee... I hope that doesnt discourage you from posting more....especially if it were to thank me once again...i will accept it with the partial sincerity with which it would be written You wrote: I always thought kibitzer is an ugly east-African bird with a terribly poignant voice. You are thinking of kibbitter the nik of of a Tanzanian lady who comes onto BBO. However, once she powders her nose and applies her foundation she dont look so bad.... (If there is anybody on BBO with the actual nik kibbitter i sincerely apologise :) ) Alex

Its rubbish.... the likelihood of opponents hand containing singletons is totally independent of the circumstance of you having a singleton... the other hands may be (more) distributional by virtue of yours being so ( in the sense that there are more cards in the suit(s) that you are short in and less cards in the one(s) you are long in) but the probabililty of them having singletons still abides by the same probabilities (with regards to the number of cards available in a suit to be divided between remaining hands) of course if you got AKQxxxxxxxx x - x naturally at least two hands have a singleton or void in the spade suit....:D) but how the remaining 39 cards, and especially for this argument, 37 cards in the non-spade suits, are distrtibuted RANDOMLY in the other hands makes all card permutations EQUALLY LIKELY and thus follow the same principles as when we are talking about the frequency distributions of the suit-cards in 4 hands...only thing that has changed is the number of hands and the number of cards.. in other words...the probability of balanced hands is more likely than unbalanced hands

Hear Hear Ron...As a Brit, Long Live the weak NT and 4 card majors (and the ensuing 1100 penalty :ph34r: )

Gezzuuzz STARS... who said God could spell perfectly?? (I am sure He has a spell-checker on his palm-pilot Stars..i will ask him to change it soon ) :ph34r: PS wow Benedict... only THREE posts?? i thought you were more talkative than that :)

Can only suggest that you are one of those people who writes a signature (trust you to choose a latter-day cowboy, jim) and not really abide by its inherent moral.... <chuckle, chuckle> Alex

(1) No need to be sorry for a bridge bid :D (2) After all Neanderthal men did survive in conditions where I myself would have many troubles (what about you, my Sloth friend ? :lol: ), why shouldn't I truste them ? :) (1) To be brutally honest Mauro i wasnt sincerely sorry :)) Was just being polite and showing some Tuscan provincial good manners... (2) The only problem if i was a Neanderthal is that i would have problems finding a point to plug in my microwave in my cave dwelling to heat up my mammoth casserole :D But yes i personally would never have bid 4 H in the first place. With two of my regular partners (both Homo Sapiens btw not Neanderthal although one of them has an embarrassing big chin and is more hairier than is normal (the female one) ) we would make a 5♥ bid to show exactly this sort of hand straight off (exclusion key card not applicable in this scenario as Hs is too high up the scale). Partner would know would to do now .... and go off -1 in 6 hee hee Alex.. (PS Juventus non sanno giocare il calcio yaya)

I agree with Winston on this.... Sorry Mauro (i only read your first post about passing 4♠ and if you changed your opinion subsequently then sorry i missed it) ... there is no way i would pass this hand out.. My only fear is that we would potentially be missing a grand opposite a reasonable opener. With your hand partner most likely is looking at no controls (outside trumps) and a 4 S bid by him/her seems mandatory. Even with rock-solid trumps he would not make a move beyond 4♠ missing controls in minors. A 5♠, as some have proposed, seems to be passing the buck onto partner. With an empty J and K in the minors and decent trumps he might still pass 5- even though you asking him to bid 6 with good trumps - he may cut his losses and pass, not envisioning you with the minor suit holding you have. If your p is tuned in to your 5 ♥ bid, as Winston said, it MUST be showing (first round) controls in the 2 lower suits, and this catch-all bid is used exactly for this purpose. If p has AKxxx Qxxx (most likely to have ♥ length) xx Kx the GS is on. Similarly with A(Q/J)xxx (three VERY small ones) Hxxx Q Qxx you also want to be in the small slam but over a 5♠ invite by you he may decide to pass it. With the first holding i would expect him to co-operate and bid 6♣. With the second to bid 6♠. I would expect him to sign-off in 5♠ with the unlikely scenario of having middling honours in ♠ or an overabundance of points in ♥. The decision for him to assess his hand as such was telegraphed by your 5 ♥ bid. Alex

To me the most illuminating observation of this whole farce and which shines the brightest light onto the LHO's competence as a bridge player, understanding of the the more nebulous parts of the game and his self-evaluation of his expertise is that on seeing dummy he sees a hand with a K and accuses you of having.... ONE POINT had you put down Kxxx Kx Kxxx Kxx he would still have called the TD as according to his point evaluating system you would only have 4 points :))

Steve, To take this thread to its logical Yiddish conclusion... Peewit comes from Yiddish word putzhumour

Dear Guggs, Being a goy i am showing a bit of chutzpah defining this word so forgive me if its definition is a bit schlok :P I believe it comes from the Yiddish and in its original context it meant to view from afar or to give advice without being asked... The noun derivative kibbitzer took on a special meaning and normally referred to somebody who (1) pries into your business or (2) stands on the side-lines and offers you unheeded advice about overcoming a problem. Of course, if you are married you must surely notice that definitions (1) and (2), in random order, most surely describe the personality of your mother-in-law, whether she be a Jewess or otherwise. If you are single or divorced, like myself, again you must surely notice that definitions (1) and (2), in random order, most likely describe the personality of your mother, a self-appointed role she sincerely believes you cannot live without. I would not be surprised if it took on its bridge context by being used to describe people watching card-games that were precedents of bridge. In the States especially modern-day bridge gained popularity in the Jewish communities. (Ely Cuthbertson, for example, the Abe of American Bridge was a Jew). Naturally, Yiddish words seeped into bridge vocabulary. Of course, mamy other Yiddish words have come into popular use, especially on BBO. For example 'lukewarmim' is a collective noun for a group of kibbitizim who lurk at your table and talk incessantly about nothing of particular interest for over 35 mins to the degree that you lose total concentration and fluff a hand. In these moments. you wish 'Freday' had implemented a 'Ban Lukewarmim From Kibbitzing This Table' button. I think i will go to Software suggestions and post forthwith. An example of its use would be..."Geez, i was playing that 6♥ contract and went off coz of those lurkwarmim"... I hope that has answered your question. Alaichem shalom Sloffy

Dear Jimmy, i am very *surprised* that you wanted *YOUR* gal to bring you a bobble-headed Elvis as i can only imagine that the head that God graced you with scores quite high on the bobblemeter.... And Fred, Jimmy (aka Luke Worm , Bobble-Belly) uses the possessive pronoun quite indiscriminately when it comes to wummin...As i recall, according to him, even Julie Roberts and Fay Dunaway were once alpha females in his distinguished NuuuuuuAwlins harem.....So i wouldn't take him very seriously... However, in this particular case, i can bashfully say that I could use the aforesaid possessive pronoun with a bit more credibility than our Young Pretender, Mr Bobble-Belly. However, i darent :P mainly because of a legal loop-hole in my Life Insurance Policy and because there are certain daemons within Aisha's head that are best left unperturbed... May I say though, had what Jimmy purported contained but a shred of veracity, he would have been very lucky. Nice to know that Aisha came to visit you... I hope the fumigation process of the whole house after her departure was not too messy... Alex PS. Just to remind you what Interpol told me Fred...did you count all your silver as well???

JIMMY!!! You saying that i am a jerk? hee hee

Dear Fred, It is AMAZING ISN'T IT.... So you dont have many lamp-posts in Las Vegas then????? Funny, whenever i see a lamp-post i have a similar feeling that the day is going to turn out well... I am sure that 30 miles somewhere in the Nevada desert there is a crock of gold.... This perhaps is what Fred may see on the 21st Jan B) [image deleted coz it waz a biggy but replaced below] :)

LOL Eric.... I am sure that you have had the miserable misfortune of being confused with Erik Kokish on many occasions... the unknowing kibbers used to sit there in awe as you took an obtuse line in a contract and then they viciously argued amongst themselves as to why this particular line was an expert one.... But as you rather self-effacedly pointed out the confusion is quite easily cleared up... Sloffy

(1) Just criss-cross-referenced the book and you are correct Fred. He does.... (2) We must be pitchin' from different mounds, Fred. Playing with a partner who makes the effort to (occasionally) count his points is enough to make ME proud :) [and those who dont bother to count mine whilst they are dummy after I have 'accidentally' miscalculated my own] (3) I would like to see that...I dont bet very often :rolleyes: . However sleep research has proven that some people have incredibly acute spatial awareness whilst in a state of REM. More incredibly, Latvian research in the 1960s showed that sleeping, feral armidillos who snored loudly were less likely to take an intra-finesse than ones who didnt snore at all. Duplicated research with ocelots in 1975, however, disproved the latter theory. I dont know about you but i prefer to remain open-minded. (4) Ah well suppose i better stop playing with partners who have chronic cases of Tourettes syndrome. I have to say i was proud of my partner in a competition last weekend where he consoled a woman who burst into tears after her p berated her for going off in a cold 3NT by offering her his Coke and his hankerchief. Very noble of him. Even though in a moment of savage guilt after the tourney had finished he confessed that he hadnt washed the handkerechief for over 3 weeks and he had a perverse attraction to the way she touched the cards in dummy it was the thought that counted.... (5) are you suggesting that the other 15% are too enumerate and dont understand Math to execute a squeeze!! Shame on you!! (6) List Feng Shui. One of the primary Taoist principles is never to introduce a list with an odd number of elements as people never read them. Sloffy PS On a serious note, I (knowingly) executed my first (knowing) criss-cross squeeze in a club game about 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, it was a skip movement and we had forgotten to jump so it didnt count :( But it was worth watching an obnoxious player squirming in his over-sized suit and making the fatuous comment that i could have made the hand on a simple finesse and later him being told by a much better player than him he was lucky i was absent-minded and had left the room for a cigarette and missed the TD call hee hee)

Alas Ben.....there will be many a wary husband at your local bridge club!! To try and be thewiussss :) I cant understand some of the opinions in this thread who say that Adventures In Card Play is a totally impractical book. Yes, it may harbour deals that are unlikely to be duplicated at your table and even if they were that you would have the resources (mainly time) to adopt strategies and ploys recommended in the book. This in no way diminishes the merit and worthiness of the book. To me it is infused with an undefinable quality that makes us understand and appreciate why some of us regard this game with utter wonderment and astonishment - and perhaps be taken down a peg or two and smacked with the humility of recognising that we always have something to learn. It was ground-breaking and it is this alone, as is the case so often, which makes it stand out as a classic. I remember reading the book and it inspired me to take the game a bit more seriously. To me it is similar to suggesting that Thomas Aquinas' books had no impact on moral philosophy (as someone once commented no Thomas Aquinas was NOT a line-backer for the Green Bay Packers hee hee) During his life-time and the following century he was snubbed and denigrated by his intellectual peers but his works became one of the corner-stones for modern moral philosophy. My copy of AICP has more dog-ears than '101 Dalmatians' and more food-stains than a chef's apron... Good bidding books are hard to come by, some just regurgitating the same material over and over again. I found Rado's recommendation 'Partnership bidding at bridge - Robson/Seagal' a classic . Perhaps i read it at a fortuitous time in my bridge evolution and the whole emphasis on meaningful and accurate bidding in a competitive auction makes it unique IMHO. It is a book to be read as a partnership!

Dear Floofy, Can you please send me their phone numbers cause i want to reassure myself they are actually human. I am compiling a book 'Contradictions In Bridge Play and Matrimony: Applying the Kama Sutra To Better Bidding Sequences' and this episode totally torpedoes my theory about interactions between couples before and after a game(different dynamics amongst gay couples) :) Sloofy xx PS And if my ex-wife ever ever happens to read this you were better in bed than you were at the bridge table. (with whoever it was you were sleeping with B) ) (5 mins ago: Oooops alas just found out my ex-wife DOES read these forums. hang on just phoning my lawyer)

Saddle burn sucks huh Ben...

Well, if it were true, Jimmy Boy, i can only say that all the proDarwinian theorists will be faced with a certain contradiction :) The only reason why Americans pepper conversation wiz ze Alamo (nothing to do with this but i want to make a certain point) is coz its one of the few battles they have little difficuty in spelling... :D Sloofy

Let me guess? Was the lesson about how to add bicarbonate of soda into the scone mix and then squish the flour together with the tips of your fingers so it crumbles properly?

Jimmy that not the only thing about you that makes me , and perhaps the rest of the world , 'antsy' <_< :angry: :D where the hell did you get that word 'antsy' ???? Some Beginners Guide to Entomology or sumtin??? Sloffy

Ben West lead from j 9 xxx (as i found out later), East had KQx .Well that how he followed to club tricks ♣ it was board 30 of a 32 board match Ben <_<) and one of opponents was practically a narcoleptic so it was kinda late. I had a certain ploy on this hand. Considerde ducking but LHO had come up with some weird leads and as i said B 30 :angry: IF you wanna put it in squeeze thread sure Ben.. no copyright violation after all..

Whilst i am at it....... Hand 2 [hv=d=w&v=n&n=skqxhaxxxdaqxxcxx&s=sajtxhkxdxxca98xx]133|200|Scoring: IMP Contract 3NT small ♥ lead J ♥ RHO. Take it from here[/hv] You duck ♥?? take next heart with K. go to dummy with ♠ and play small ♣ to 9. west wins with T and shoots back ♥ what your line of play?

These hands came up tonite in f2f bridge Hand 1 [hv=d=n&v=n&n=skjxhkqxdat9catxx&s=sa98hajxxxxdkxxc8]133|200|Scoring: IMP 1♣ 1♥ 1NT 2♣ 3NT* 4NT 5♣** 6♥ * 4-3-3-3 Max with 3 ♥ ** 0 3 KC [/hv] You get 9 ♣ lead. You take with A and ruff a ♣. You play a ♥ to K and ruff a ♣ all following. ♥ to dummy, RHO pitching a ♦. you draw last trump and RHO pitches another ♦. Take it from here...

About 2 years ago (Islamic calendar), I was TDing a drive at my local club... On the second round, an old lady was waiting for her p, also a lady but in her mid 30s, who had just gone to the toilet, and had taken a long time to do so (female prerogative i believe)... When she returned, i said to her quite innocently "We didnt know whether you were gone or were here. Grab your chair and lets get on"... much to my surprise, at this moment, she burst into tears (wish i didnt have this effect on women :huh: ) The old lady slams her cards down, stands up and goes round the table to comfort her, looking at me as if i was some sort of chain-saw serial murderer!!! As it happens, the young(er) lady was so distressed she decided to be subbed out to go home (ringing me up during the break to apologize that it was a 'woman thing' and it affected her badly [very common that women suffer this at work in our city when the Marks and Spensers sale is on] ) For the rest of the evening, at every table the old lady is whispering to all the NSs, explaining what - or giving her interpretation of - had happened at our table. They were shaking their heads followed by a furtive look at me as if i had drowned a pussy-cat in a bucket!!!!...(amazing how they float afterwards, btw, head up every time...) When the drive finishes everyone avoids me with even one woman approaching me saying "alex How could you!! So meaaannnnnnnnnnn" Next day i get a letter delivered to my door (chairman lived nearby) with the words URGENT written on the front. I open the letter and i am told that i have been suspended from the club until the next committee meeting 2 weeks thence for, and i quote ....due to your offensive comments to a female member of the club, where you accused the lady of HAVING GONORRHOEA and CRABS and thus had to leave the club in distress..." ;) :o Needless to say, i phoned up the Chairman who was very aware that the lady in question was as deaf as a door-post with ear-muffs, who after phoning the young lady in question (he couldnt get hold of her until then but had had so many complaints off people who had 'been there' that he had to take action) decided to withdraw my suspension. He now makes it a standing joke at every AGM :) Sloffy