slothy

Like Doggy just saw this thread too :( Just thought i would give people the opportunity to understand me better Name: Alex aka Slothy aka "Geez, not him again" Age: 38 (rising arithmetically by 1 every 365.25 days ;) ) Sex: As often as possible, preferably with same person who is knowingly not blood-related. Gender: Male (Proud owner of an aerodynamic, stream-lined X chromosome and a stumpy Y one). Sexual Orientation: North. Grandpa always told me to have the needle pointing in the right direction. Physically, monogamous; psychologically, sluttishly promiscuous. Closet heterosexual. Ethnicity: Awaiting paternal DNA test. A suspicion, according to family legend, of a few rogue genes from Scandanavia. Nationality: English/American (have US passport, born in Cleveland Ohio, although never lived there). Lived my formative years in Malta. Explains my instinctive automatic gesture to stand up and place my hand on my chest when either anthem is played, and moving my mouth pretending that i know the words. Religion: Roman Catholic by denomination (ie living in Malta). In fact wanted to be a priest, but absolved myself from that career pursuit when I become old enough to appreciate that I could not take the anatomical responses of sitting next to a person of the opposite sex, potentially, to their natural conclusions. Children: None, although there are many beautiful, charming children out there who look uncannily like me. (243 paternity suits pending) Phone Num: Give me a call and i will tell you. A dress: Never worn one, although fellow members of my Transvestite Anonymous Group thought it was time I should. Marital Status: Married/Divorced (in that order, funnily enough). Currently not co-habiting, but involved, allowing me the luxury to sleep sideways on my bed if i wish and not being stealthfully pushed off the edge. Disorders: Bedroom, kitchen and living-room. (in fact I have adopted chaos theory to my domestic management. I have reached a state of equilibrium where I know that I have something, just don’t know its precise geographical location in the house); closing my eyes when walking in a sand-storm; not knowing when to stop when writing posts. Phobias: Cannibalistic Papua New Guinean tribesmen who come knocking at the door asking if they can come in for dinner; women waking me up early Sunday morning with a smile on their face and an air of expectation; spiders in the bath who haven’t got the decency to clean it whilst they are in it. Favourite Bridge Moment(s): Winning the National Newcomers Pairs after playing bridge for 2 years, and coming placed in National Pairs 2 years later: Playing for Yorkshire. Making 3NT on a criss-cross squeeze against the late Boris Shapiro and him patting me on the back and telling me "well done, son". Horriblest bridge moment: Going 3 off in 4D X against the late Boris Shapiro on the next board and him looking at me in a way which suggested that he wished he never touched me on the previous board. Most embarrassing bridge moment: Playing opposite a female ex-partner after her buttons on her blouse had come undone. Most Happiest bridge moment: Waiting until the end of the round to tell her. Favourite Bridge Book: The Expert Game By Terence Reese. Most difficult bridge book I have read: Losing Trick Count by Ron Klinger (Chinese Braille edition). Bridge Book i would have most liked to read:2004 European Championships Qualifier Hand Records (2003 Edition) Favourite Bridge Saying: "And which half of your singleton do you wish to play first, opp?" Favourite Bridge Partner: Aisha. Love you babe. Bridge Couple would most like to meet: Fred Gitelman & Sheri Winestock. Favourite Proverb: "If you run after 2 hares you will catch neither". Favourite Meal: Whole Hare casserole followed by Whole Hare Rib Rack With Asparagus and Pimento Sauce with a side serving of broccoli. Diet: Omnivorous by nature, carnivorous by moon-cycle. Pet Hates: Women with more facial hair and bigger biceps than myself; communal towels when attending Leprosy Convention; people who repeatedly pick imaginary pieces of fluff off their jumpers; women who insist that I put the toilet-seat down at their house and then don’t leave it up at mine; people who feverishly scurry to lock their car-doors as I cross the road. Qualifications: Bsc Zoology (aborted after 3 years when I discovered that a had an aversion for animals, especially domesticated ones -> travelled around Europe for 2 years. Best education I ever had), Bsc Computer Science. Outstanding distinction in Telepathy Exams. (i saw the questions in my head 2 weeks before the exam) Shoe Size: Depends who asks. Favourite Young Person: Nephew, Fabien (4), for saying that i am his favourite uncle. Most Unfavourite Young Person: Niece, Natasha (8), for reminding her cousin, Fabien, i am his only uncle. Most Favourite Adult: Aisha. Favourite Novel: The Periodic Table by Primo Levi (highly recommendable. Most ingenious allegory ever written, better than Dante’s Divine Comedy and Swifts Gulliver’s Travels put together) Book Currently Reading: Guns, Germs And Steel by J. Diamond (Will alter your perception of modern civilization and why the world is how it is) Favourite Author: Gabriel Garcia Marquez (Alberto Moravia close second). Most overrated author: Sigmund Freud - he has made me perceive my mother with undeserved suspicion. Most disillusioned Person: Steve aka 2over1 for having misconceived notion that Sloths suffer from body odour or really care if they do :blink: Book Least Likely To Read: The Kama Sutra For Celibates (Left-handed edition) Pet: An orphaned hammerhead shark, christened Jaws E. Lin. Most extravagant purchase: Goldfish bowl for my pet. Most dangerous moment: Having to give my pet a dental-floss after a toffee-apple got wedged in his molars. Most uneventful moment: Taking my pet for a walk in the local park. Most apprehensive moment: Secretly phoning my then fiancée 2 hours before our wedding telling her I wanted to have 3 children with her. Most regretful moment: Looking at my mobile after and realising I had phoned my mother-in-law by mistake. Most xciting moment: Spontaneously making love in a lift one night after going out celebrating. Most Embarrassing Moment: The dwarf standing in the badly-lit opposite corner of the lift asking us what floor we were going to get out at. Most Character-Forming Life Event: Having, 2 hours after being born, the sign "Dont Touch, Ugly Baby" tattooed on my forehead. Hobbies: Language, bridge, mathematical puzzles, reading, crosswords, creating learning software, writing poetry and prose, travelling. What profession I would like to have: Surgeon. Would perform radical, retinal surgery on men such that no woman looks more beautiful to him than his wife. What I would change about the world: That people would see beyond skin-colour, social status, culture, language and religion and tolerate even celebrate our differences as these make the world the wonderful place it could and should be. Make people smile as an act of law. Turn humour into a highly infectious virus. What I fear most: That some miserable moron would synthesise a vaccine for the above. Person I most admire: Albert Einstein. A man of vision, intelligence, honour and fearlessness with humility. Best Quotes: Imagination is more important than knowledge Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population. The saving grace of humour: if you fail no one is laughing at you. Thing I Am Most Likely To Say: "Lie on the floor. Put your hands on your head and tell me where the keys for the safe are" Thing I Am Least Likely To Say: "I agree with you, Claus"

Jackie, I believe this sort of behaviour is outlawed in most Australian provinces? 35 tears?? thats a lotta tears :blink:) Giving your age away...My niece, at the rather mature age of 6 (oooops 6 and a quarter she corrects me!) plays CULBERTHSON (she has a slight lisp poor child) so you must be at most 36??? And yes my dear Aisha perceverance is spelt perseverance..

Playing in a tourney, Aisha: i got bad connection here all. Might get disconnected :blink: Opp: OK but we nearly finished Aisha gets disconnected. Opps gettting nervous and the lady opp says we wont finish......Think is is time to start talking... Opp: You think aisha coming back Slothy. Shall we call host? Slothy: Give her a few minutes...she runs out of coal sometimes to fuel the computer... Opp: OK. We wont FINISH!! (thinking this hand a top anyway, might try and make it amusing...) Slothy: Oh My GOd. She just phoning me. There is a man trying to break into her house!!!! Opp: Oh no!!! Slothy: Yesss, its the postman apparently!!! Slothy: The postman has forced himself into her house, hit the Rottwieller over the head with a wholemeal baguette, and forced her at gun-point to lick her stamp for a letter he gave her !! Do you think i should call the police? Opp: Sorry dont understand much. Is she is in danger??? (Me: sorry i couldnt believe this remark; seems i got her hooked....Gonna milk this) Slothy: Well, it is quite a large stamp and her tongue isnt that big, although by the amount she talks you would have thought differently. Slothy: Going back to your previous remark, I dont know about Aisha, but this contract is in danger!!! Oh noooooo, she is screaming down the phone now!!!! She is screaming something like "Tra fishq ma na allah. " Geez i wish she wouldn't scream in Arabic when she is in a life-threatening situation... Opp: Do you speak Arabic? Slothy: Only a bit, but hard to understand somebody when their tongue is covered in adhesive gum....I think she is shouting something like "The King of spades is with West!!!". Out of curiousity, is she correct? Opp: OK :) you are joking!!! Please play.... Slothy: Oh my God!!! there is a funny sound on the phone....seems like the Rottwieler is eating the mobile phone!!! Theres a thhwwaaah thwwaaaaah grtteeettrr klump brrrr brrr sound...Dont want this Rottwiler to choke..she only bought it 3 weeks ago....DOWN Rover DOWN, let go let go, nice boy...... Opp: Please play!!!! There is only 5 minutes. I cant beleive this!! Slothy: I cant believe she called it Rover too. She hasn't got much of an imagination huh? Slothy: No problem, only 4 cards to play....anyway Aisha to play. Have you heard a Rottwieler chewing a mobile, <opp name>. It is quite interesting. Sounds like the opening of a EMINEM rap song (a white guy in dungerees for thos who arent generationally aware) Aisha: Back, sorry, i got disconnected. Slothy: How is the Rottwieler? Aisha: Huh. Slothy: Claim all tricks opp :) .....

Powitanie, Łukasz, zycze milej zabawy :D)) _________ I agree with the notion of a dynamic list where you can mark people who are not necessarily friends (but hopefully may become one....:) ) and, as I just realised Dom mentioned, maybe appear in play area or tourney if you wish to kibbitz... I get over it at the moment by just marking them as friends and putting a mnemonic in the Notes section.....

This is Gerardo's Reply To The Question. Click Me And The continuation From The Above Link.....blah, blah Pretty easy fix Fluffy. Good Luck! Alex

Oops noticed that i did not bid over your opening bid, Fred. Surprised the virtual auctioneer didnt notice...SACK HIM!! $21,000 | Levin - Weinstein $22,000 | Zmudzinski - Balicki (Sorry Misho :) We in a bidding WAR) $25,500 | Moss-Gitleman

seems like a BIG misunderstanding Fred may have condensed from this.. Never suggested anything other than what i wrote, and i hope nothing sinister was read into it.... Sheri does appear to be a beautiful woman, and i am sure she is, in all ways, looks included. From what you said, we BOTH seem to be lucky men ;) 1) Aisha was not offended - in fact was quite flattered - with your post. 2) it was a joke, and understood as such, and quite a good one, in my opinion :P Sorry for misunderstanding... I meant what i said about Aisha's cardigan :)) i had to buy her a new one. (And no doubt have to buy her a pair of shoes and matching hand-bag too now [i KNNNNNEWWW i shouldnt have responded])

You can play with Aisha if you so wish, Fred :P In fact, how about you play with Aisha and i play with Sheri ???? Looking at Sheri's picture (does she REALLY have those cheek-bones ;)?? ), I dont think Aisha will approve either :) , but i can always send Aisha a picture of my anaemic, club-footed second-cousin who has acne problems and putrid body odour, Aisha'll never guess We can put a bet on ( See raising money for VuGraph thread) who can come up with the corniest flirtatious remark and best bridge-play... Alex PS Dont judge her by her picture, man. I got her to throw that turquoise cardigan out 6 months ago as it doesnt complement her skin color

With due respect, Fred, what i was suggesting was NOT a philanthropic gesture on the part of the BBO community in the slightest!!! Far from it!!! People would be participating in a venture not very different to one were they to go down-town and put $100 on a horse in the Kentucky Derby, just perhaps with smaller returns. They would be indulging in a 'high-risk' transaction with some probability of getting a return on their investment, whilst simultaneously ensuring that they would be coming onto BBO to watch VuGraph sometime in the future by supporting the organisation which runs it!! Although some people may decide to bid out of a sense of support, many, i am sure, would participate with the possibility of getting some money out of it. (And, of course, the PRIZES) If they lose then at least the money would be going to a better cause than if they went to the betting-shop. I do agree that having a corporate sponsor is better (excuse the pun ;) ) and would have some kudos. But this way, it will generate income, involvement by those who use your creation by watching the tourneys, betting on the players and some people will be made slightly richer :P Personally, i do not perceive it any differently than going down to the betting-shop. The only difference being - besides being run less professionally maybe - that the people benefitting will be ALL those who participate, at all levels, and most of the money not going into the pockets of a couple of men in striped jackets who dropped out of Oxford and couldnt think of anything better to do :) [history of Ladbroke's (betting cartel)] Alex

FRED!!! I have quite an illuminating idea on how to raise revenue for VuGraph. I haven't thought thru the logistics, but, on the surface, it seems quite feasible!!! I RARELY have a good idea (about as often as spwdo submits a post that has no spelling errors in it ;) ), so please put down your cheque-book to write your cheque to sponsor yourself for $40,000 in Calcutta pool and give me 4 mins..... As an idea VERY SIMPLE: Run a tourney on BBO, or series of tourneys, an individual and INVITATIONAL say, somehow simulating the auctioneering principles of the Calcutta pool. Members of the BBO community can use BBO$, or any other form of feasible on-line payment, to sponsor who they believe will win - or come placed to make it more interesting and provoke more of a response. Basically run along the same principles as a 'book'. Of all the winnings generated, a certain % (substantial and as long as people know how much and why it is done and where the proceeds are going i am sure they will not object) of the winnings of each is top-sliced to be put in a VuGraph fund. So, for example, i will be quite willing to put a $30 bet (i aint that rich and all these dermatological creams i use for my scaly, sloth-like skin can be quite expensive) on a player, not to mention names :), who i think will win. If this person wins i get say my $30 back and lets say 35% of my original bet on top. The % decreases maybe, the higher the bet you make. I am sure a lot of people, more wealthy than I (some i know even can afford 3-button mice) , would fancy a flutter on a player they believe is a fair bet. To make it more interesting, a handicap system can be introduced, to encourage people to participate and for the more adventurous betters to bet on less likely winners?? JUST AN IDEA. Perhaps against your philosophy as to the ethics of the site but it is all in a good cause :) NOW INCENTIVES???? Perhaps throwing in a FREE holiday to Malmo (for all those living in a 45 mile radius, hee hee, or get an airline to sponsor a free ticket there??? will cost them NOTHING!! in real terms and they get free publicity). All those wishing to add a bet contribute a flat $3/$5 that goes towards a lottery for the FREE holiday?? ON TOP OF THIS, 30 runners-up in the lottery, say, get either BBO$ and full usage of 2/3/4 series of ON-LINE masterbridge??? NATURALLY, if you win, than you can dispose of the winnings how you wish :) Alex PS Tried to make this as serious as possible :) PPPS Do i get intellectual property rights if it goes ahead?? :)

Ah Well, seems like the Cavendish organisers missed my partner's and my name out of the Cavendish Invitational Pairs web-site listing AGAIN for the second year running....don't you just hate it when that happens??? Despite your lucid explanations, Fred, no closer to understanding how the Cavendish betting works :) Still, i doubt i will lose any sleep over it... But i am not a betting man myself either....Last time i put a bet on anything was an egg-and-spoon race in the second grade and one of the opponents to my protegé had glued the egg to the spoon. 15 strawberry lollipops is worth a lot to a kid you know (Especially when you got them in exchange for a pot of glue ;) ) !! however, if forced into the corner of the barrel would bet this way:- $20,000 Balicki - Zmudnqtrwprzski (got a 'feeling' this year) [oops had to wipe my monitor with the spluttering] $15,000 Brad Moss - Whats-his-name-again $12,435 Steve Weinstein- Bobby Levin (Weinstein and Levin only out of sympathy as they seemed to have aged 30 years between them since they last won it :) ) Would like to put money on Zia, but he too much of a loose cannon. Anyway, he 'borrowed' my lighter about 2 years ago to light the cigarette of a 'female friend' (yeah right and my name is Santa Claus) of his and never got it back so that forebodes bad karma. Good Luck anyroad Fred. (If you play a hand like hand 16 in Series C of MasterBridge you bound to win :) ) Alex PS if you talk to Zia can you ask him if i can have my lighter back?

Well, as you are in it..... :rolleyes: will take Heart in dummy and take ♣ finesse playing the Q, playing RHO for KTxxxx ♣. or Kxxxxx and T singleton ♣ offside. Idea being to take double ♣ finesse and play hearts whenever you on lead otherwise. You have to play him for ♦K too it seems. He either has to open ♦ or ♠, seems hearts 4-1. If he ruffs the 2nd heart he has to give you entry to take finesse again, or play ♣ himself assuming he has both K ♦ and A ♠. Alex Using pronoun 'he' as only a man would X like that ;)

You didnt mention the fact Monocular-Jack that he made an overtrick :rolleyes:

Caren i presume the X shows ♣ and the XX shows good ♣?? to at least 4?

suppose will give my 10 leva worth too.... Congratulations Ben. May i say, in your defence, you are the first forum-master not to issue me a warning (as of today ;) ) and for this you have yet to gain my FULL respect :P Despite my occasional wondering as to when you find time to eat, shave and 'communicate with nature', I find you a very fair moderator who uses his judgement soundly, although, on occasion, you have made me puff a lickle bit harder on my cigarette :) I like your posts, although i have to admit, they are sometimes long :D. By the time i have read half way through one normally something has happened in between: like a new moon or sumtin. So i have to log where i am at. I only have 2398 more to read, so i have decided to retire early for your benefit. Keep up the good work. God knows what the next caption for your ranking is going to be!!! Your Faithful Poster Alex MDR PS Do you, by any chance, have a prejudice against Spanish dwarves working in the firefighting industry?? :rolleyes:

You shouldnt try invoking BBO MasterBridge on your microwave honey....causes problems when you want to defrost...

i agree with Aisha, which is ironic as we seldom agree on anything, bridge-related or otherwise B) I actually voted for 3. I introduced the thread as i was curious. I am no longer curious :)

...so on this Frosty night, an earthquake happened. The giant orang-utan statue collapsed and toppled over, shamelessly squashing to pulp the penguin (chicken) , the orang-utan he iconified, the giraffe, the serengeti raindancers(marc), the midget Andalucian apprentice fire-fighters, the intentionally long sentences contributed by Dwayne, the sometime amusing non sequiter posts by Claus B) and the transvestite half-Maori street-trader. The cuckoo reared its head from the Swiss cuckoo clock (Aisha) and burped one last time.

says Mike, sucking his teeth, contributing just as irrelevant a post to make his opinion known. B)

Was told, rather brusquely, by a lovable yet ruthless critic of mine (to put it mildly!) that my first post in this thread might be misinterpreted. Not that that ever happens to any posts of mine, of course.... (or my bidding :D ) Anyway, nice to write a post that has more than 5 words in it, for a change :lol: This will give me an opportunity to compensate... (and write '...' at the end of every sentence for no apparent reason other than to irritate readers) Soo, BBO. Wha' i like about it? I will take a different tack than everyone else and describe this indirectly by articulating what i dont like about it. Then you can work out what i DO like about it :).... The order is incidental, btw. However, perceptive psychologists, amateur or otherwise, amongst you may discover some chronological pattern of catastrophic life events that have contributed to the person i am today: to be blamed, naturally, on Fred Gitelman (Peace be upon him). So the reasons are as follows:- 1) BBO are the initials of my very first, ever girl-friend: the woman who first broke my fragile heart: i was 4 and a quarter years old and she told me that she was splitting up with me because Howard had a nicer pencil-sharpener (He died tragically from septicaemia 18 years later when doctors found the nib of a pencil in his groin that had been there since childhood). The day she stood up and sat next to him in the Blue Section of the class-room was a day i will never forget! Beatrice Belinda Organ-grinder was her name. Funny name? Well, hyphenated surnames were very popular amongst upwardly-mobile English chartered accountants in the 1960s. (Her initials changed from BBO to BBS to BBT to BBÄ (he was a Finnish Lapp) to BBT (she married number 2 again) as she flitted merrily from one husband to another). Now, you may ask what has this got to do with BBO?? The answer is nothing whatsoever :)... but every time i log on to BBO, I get a slight spasm in my left ventricle as i nostalgically remember the times Beatrice, MYYY one and only BBO, and I used to sit outside the cupboard where Mr Shingles (aka Fuhrer to his pupils) used to keep the potties and the spare underwear for those of us who forgot where the toilets were situated: holding each others hand; comparing how swollen our thumbs were; singing Hungarian folk nursery-rhymes in complete disharmony and sharing our peanut-butter-and-jam sandwiches with chocolate-and-marmalade-and-crushed-salt-and-vinegar-crisps dip. For this i blame Fred: if only he knew how coming up with the acronym BBO instead of another one would affect me! Ooops. Just saw the time! There are 3 other reasons why i DONT like BBO. Might continue them later.

ummmm can see men in Bulgaria can't afford shavers huh :(

of her Welsh dresser, inherited

his hair on a G-string

would take the finesse offered

outside his Heartbreak Hotel ensuite-bathroom