Sexual Predator

[1MissGolf]

A player who has "stalked" me for many years is able to change his "Nick" constantly. I first met him and played under his "first" Nick. Apparently I am not allowed to disclose his Nick, nor name. This pervert began games talking about sexual situations, under clothing and undressing of oneself. Once I told him that I was NOT interested in his perversion, no longer wished to play with him again, he changed his nick name and returned to begin his sexual motives. This has happened over the course of many years AND many name changes by this so called BIL member. I am SHOCKED that BBO does not allow his NICKS to be posted, as I have understood that he has approached other women bridge players with his same motive. He is NOT here to play bridge but to cruise women players as sex objects.

 

This player's name is (all deleted), and numerous more. BBO, He has virtually raped us, and what will you do about it? He does NOT belong on a polite social sit, but in a institution that can cure him of his vulgar expressions. Please help, and if any other lady has experienced the degree of sexual predatory behavior by this multi-named player, please, please speak up!

Edited January 13, 2014 by inquiry
Once again I have removed the nicknames (another such post was deleted by barmar). The BBO does what it can, and I (not you) have reported this correctly to ABUSE who is actively investigating and will take action if your allegtions are true

[inquiry]

To 1MissGolf.

 

For the record, this is your third post on this topic. I can understand you being upset. But this is not the place to carry out such actions. We simply do not allow it here. If people want to discuss the type of problem you are experiencing without naming names here, fine. IF this is occurring, I see no problem trying to share experiences, seek solutions, etc. But discipline issues are not discussed in public, and we do not allow the publishing of alleged violators names in these forums.

 

You really should try to get in touch with ABUSE, who told me last night that she (yes she is a she) is looking into your situation. She will be very much on your side if your story checks out. But this is the last one of these you are going to be allowed to post. You can reply in this thread, you can give more GENERAL DETAILS if you like, but you can not "name-names" here. Plain and simple.

 

Thank you for your cooperation.

[billw55]

The internet can be a harsh world. There is essentially nothing that BBO, or any other site host, can do to stop an abuser from making new accounts and continuing the abuse. In general, you are on your own for self protection. Probably the best way to handle a stalker is to mark them as enemy and totally ignore them. Above all, never speak to them in any way. No matter what the content of your comments, they like it, and it encourages them to continue. To a stalker, investing hundreds of contacts to receive one "go away" is a good trade and shows them the harassment is working to get you to talk to them. Don't do it, not a single word ever.

 

You could also consider making a new account for yourself, with a "nick" that does not identify you as female. (I wonder if BBO can transfer your friend/enemy lists to a new account; that seems like it should be possible, even if it must be done manually.) If you really don't want to do this, then you will have to make do with adding them to the enemy list. You can do this much faster than they can make new accounts, so you have a sort of advantage. As long as you never respond ever, eventually they will go bother someone else who does respond.

[diana_eva]

I get a fair share of unprovoked abuse or harassment. My solution has always been to ignore provocation, mark offender enemy no matter how many times he/she returns. Eventually they get bored and go away. If you are worried that person will send messages to kibs or friends, don't be. If you keep ignoring, everyone else can tell who's the nutcase and will also ignore.

[1eyedjack]

Added to the above

If you are playing in a main room, try to arrange to be host of the table at which you are playing.

This gives you additional powers regarding permissions to join either as player or kibitzer, and booting players/kibbers who are present.

Log on as invisible.

Make the table hidden when full.

 

It is of course undesirable to the point of unacceptable that you should feel the need to go to such lengths. Hopefully a temporary measure that might be relaxed in time. Just thinking of some practical measures that might have some immediate effect.

[diana_eva]

I don't like to have to log in invisible or hide my table. I think this wd mean stalker wins, so never did that. But I agree with the part about trying to be the host of the table you are playing at.

 

Lock seats > enemies can't ask permission to sit at your table. BBO server declines such requests automatically.

Lock kibs > enemies can't request permission to join.

 

All of this applies if you are using the web version of BBO. The older version still allows enemies to leave offline messages or join your table.

[1eyedjack]

Yes, I wasn't suggesting it as a permanent fix. Nor should any one solution necessarily be pursued to the exclusion of others. Just a way to get by while it is sorted out.

[diana_eva]

Yes, I wasn't suggesting it as a permanent fix. Nor should any one solution necessarily be pursued to the exclusion of others. Just a way to get by while it is sorted out.

 

True, and good suggestions. I was expressing a personal view when I said I don't like to hide :)

[Bbradley62]

Yellows hiding makes them a lot less useful :rolleyes:

[cherdano]

A player who has "stalked" me for many years is able to change his "Nick" constantly. I first met him and played under his "first" Nick. Apparently I am not allowed to disclose his Nick, nor name. This pervert began games talking about sexual situations, under clothing and undressing of oneself. Once I told him that I was NOT interested in his perversion, no longer wished to play with him again, he changed his nick name and returned to begin his sexual motives. This has happened over the course of many years AND many name changes by this so called BIL member. I am SHOCKED that BBO does not allow his NICKS to be posted, as I have understood that he has approached other women bridge players with his same motive. He is NOT here to play bridge but to cruise women players as sex objects.

I don't want to get into the discussion of what BBO should do, but I do want to say I am really sorry you had to experience this.

[1eyedjack]

You have to wonder whether anyone who chooses to stalk a yellow has the intellectual potential of a Zabriskan fontema.

 

 

[diana_eva]

You have to wonder whether anyone who chooses to stalk a yellow has the intellectual potential of a Zabriskan fontema.

 

 

 

Not really. Some harass yellows on purpose to let them know they are back and we can't stop them. But I have not always been a yellow. And I have always been a female. My experience with sex-chat harassment begins before even thinking of becoming a yellow.

[helene_t]

for me it became worse after I became a yellow, which is unsurprising since yellows are visible to a lot more people. But I don't have any experience with really evil stuff. Usually just innocent utterings like *KISS* or "I would like to meet you". A couple of times someone asked about my breast size.

[aguahombre]

And I have always been a female.

Glad we cleared that up.

[Vampyr]

Isn't it possible to block chat and private messages from anyone except named individuals?

[diana_eva]

Isn't it possible to block chat and private messages from anyone except named individuals?

 

It's possible yes. You can lock enemies out completely:

 

- they can't send you private chat

- they can't leave you offline messages

- they can't invite you anywhere

- they can't request permission to join your table, either as a player or as a kibitzer if you are the host and seats/kibs are locked.

 

Your friends can still join or see you, so you're not giving up on much to avoid unwanted people.

 

What enemies can still do is

- join you at tables where you are not the host

- send obnoxious chat to the table you're playing at if chat from kibs is allowed (which you won't see, but other people see). Or send bad chat to kibs at your table.

- stalk your friends or regular partners instead to get back at you

 

But the vast majority give up, and I've only met a couple of lunatics mad enough to bother my friends.

[barmar]

Isn't it possible to block chat and private messages from anyone except named individuals?

No, it's the other way around. You have to explicitly list the enemies to block. And apparently the stalker keeps creating new accounts.

 

This type of problem is not unique to BBO. Today's "On Point" radio show is about Internet sexual harassment.

 

http://onpoint.wbur.org/2014/01/15/women-internet-harassment-safety

 

You can download a podcast of the episode some time after the live broadcast.

[Vampyr]

No, it's the other way around. You have to explicitly list the enemies to block.

 

That's too bad.

[GreenMan]

"Only allow private chat from friends" might be a useful setting to add.

[onoway]

"Only allow private chat from friends" might be a useful setting to add.

I have a great deal of sympathy for the victim but I think this idea would definitely be letting the bad guys win. Although when someone is hassling you it is uncomfortable and sometimes quite upsetting, the nasties are a very very tiny portion of the BBO population. To withdraw into a shell because of the few nasties seems to me to be losing a good deal of the point of being on BBO.

 

To my understanding, these are power trippers who get their jollies from having people on the run; you've admitted defeat if you hide in a corner. I'd suggest: Change your nick so he has to look for you..there are a LOT of people on BBO it will take a while to find you again, if he ever does. You can always log on invisibly with your old nick and/or play at invisible tables as well, although if asked the web version used to tell if you were online even if you were invisible, I don't know if that's changed or not. In any case people cannot get to an invisible table without an invitation.

 

It would probably be a good idea NOT to tell the world that you've changed your nick from XWZ to abc, if you share that information with good and trusted friends they should be people you can count on to keep that info to themselves. If you aren't sure, then don't tell them, just create a new identity. Mark all his known nicks as enemy and hope he gets hit by a train if you think about him at all.

 

He doesn't know who you are in "real life" so really only has the power over you that you give him. It's sort of like having a gigantic mosquito around that you can't kill but you can keep it outside the house...it might get in when friends come in but you just mark that nick enemy as well, and he is outside the house again. A bit of a pain, but to mark someone enemy takes about 10 seconds and is better than letting him control what you want to do. It would be nice if BBO could wave a magic wand and have these losers disappear for good, but since the jerks can make new nicks and return, you may as well do what you can for yourself.

 

I think most of us (females, anyway) who have been on BBO for any length of time have had a contact or two with such morons, you aren't alone. They feed off people getting upset. Prevent him from being able to harrass you and get on with your life.

[diana_eva]

... only has the power over you that you give him....

 

This pretty much sums it IMO. As usual Helene beat me to upvote this :)

[GreenMan]

He doesn't know who you are in "real life" so really only has the power over you that you give him.

 

I think we have completely different understandings of power.

 

You're saying that a simple step one can take to protect herself is contrary to some spirit of BBO or something and therefore must NOT be allowed. That's you exerting power over the woman being harassed. Why do you get to decide?

[helene_t]

I think we have completely different understandings of power.

 

You're saying that a simple step one can take to protect herself is contrary to some spirit of BBO or something and therefore must NOT be allowed. That's you exerting power over the woman being harassed. Why do you get to decide?

Huh? She was just giving advice, wasn't she?

[diana_eva]

I think it's pretty much a "don't feed the trolls" approach. Stalker is happy to see women upset by him, hence do not allow him to upset you. I don't know how you took it, GreenMan, but as a woman I haven't found anything offending in Pam's post. I don't think she was trying to combat your suggestion either.

 

Edit: OK, she was trying to combat your suggestion, sorry :) I was too charmed by the last part of Pam's post and completely forgot she started by quoting you.

Edited January 17, 2014 by diana_eva

[GreenMan]

I think it's pretty much a "don't feed the trolls" approach. Stalker is happy to see women upset by him, hence do not allow him to upset you. I don't know how you took it, GreenMan, but as a woman I haven't found anything offending in Pam's post. I don't think she was trying to combat your suggestion either.

 

"this idea would definitely be letting the bad guys win" definitely feels like combating my idea. Perhaps you can explain how it's not?

 

People who haven't experienced the level of harassment that the OP has should NOT NOT NOT be lecturing them (or anyone else, but especially them) on how they should feel about it. That's a form of trolling in itself.

 

When the trolls are already feeding themselves, and you could stop them but you don't, you're perpetuating the problem.