Most hopeless / clueless comment?

[mycroft]

I like that one Jinksy.

 

I remember I had to fill in in one tournament for a pair that called (their teammates, not the tournament) at 0950 saying they weren't coming for the 1000 CKO game. I'm playing with this person who had 3.15 masterpoints, .70 or so of which she got yesterday. We're playing in Flight A because of our teammates, and survive the first round three-way, and lose badly against the eventual winners. In the second session we play with the same pair in the consolation swiss.

 

In the third round, we are asked (for the first time) about our signals. With the most innocent look on my face I could come up with, I asked declarer, "What's a signal?"

 

It was meant as, and taken as, Full Disclosure - and we went on.

[ggwhiz]

At a Regional there was a family reunion of sorts with the brother of my partner (who had never played a hand of bridge in his life) patiently kibitzing his mother all day long.

 

My pard played with him in the midnight KO and their first opponents kept asking for explanations of bids like 1nt - p - 2 whatever, defensive signals or simple overcalls while looking at a blank convention card and called the Director a few times when the explanation was "Will doesn't know anything about bridge and it's meaningless".

 

Crushed them like bugs even with Will declaring 1/2 the hands. Very satisfying.

 

Same partner was on the radar of sweetheart and arranged for us to play with her and her friend in the midnights and told me "Their room is full of booze. All we have to do is get knocked out".

 

We bid 19 pt slams, 15 pt games and made every one of them! Easy to tank the bidding but not the play.

[m1cha]

Can't resist here although many of you may have seen this before.

A story I found in other forum.

 

opp1:"Is that game try?"

opp2:"No, just invitation."

But ... you know the difference, don't you?

 

1♥ - 2♥ - 4♥ is a game try: You bid game and try to make it.

1♥ - 4♥ is an invitation: You bid game and invite partner to try to make it.

;)

[helene_t]

A: How do we find the heart fit?

B: Negative double!

A: Oh ... but I never know how to do that

B: It is not so difficult ... just take this card (pointing at the X card in A's bidding box) out of the box

[Jinksy]

Reported by a friend:

 

Opps bid their way to some contract. Dummy puts down (say) this:

[hv=pc=n&s=sqj5hkq54dJ5ckj4]133|100[/hv]

 

Friend studies dummy for a while, then observes - "There's something wrong with that dummy. It only has 12 cards."

 

Opp: "Oh no, it's fine. We play 12-14."

[Cyberyeti]

Reported by a friend:

 

Opps bid their way to some contract. Dummy puts down (say) this:

[hv=pc=n&s=sqj5hkq54d65ckj4]133|100[/hv]

 

Friend studies dummy for a while, then observes - "There's something wrong with that dummy. It only has 12 cards."

 

Opp: "Oh no, it's fine. We play 12-14."

 

After a similar incident where I explained an auction of 1♠-X-2♠ as "13 cards some of which are spades" then put 12 on the table, I took to announcing it as "12-14 cards, some of which are spades".

[eagles123]

More most annoying comment, I made the normal lead in a 3N contract which would lead to 2 down, but my partner revoked (established) and the contract made. "I think this might be a good score for us," no *****!!!

[manudude03]

I remember once making a comment like that going down 6 vulnerable in 4NT, partner had misinterpreted my unusual 4NT, but the opps were cold for a vulnerable 4S!

 

I had a comment tonight after I made a MP double which turned into 500 in a partscore board. Declarer told me afterwards "You're not allowed to double without trump tricks".

 

I made a somewhat more clear double of a 3NT against them 2 boards later and got told I wouldn't make friends doing that lol. That one went for 1100.

[sfi]

I made a somewhat more clear double of a 3NT against them 2 boards later and got told I wouldn't make friends doing that lol. That one went for 1100.

 

Did you at least have trump tricks the second time?

[manudude03]

Did you at least have trump tricks the second time?

 

I had tricks in the trump suit, that is to say I had no trump tricks :)

 

She may have had a point on the second hand, +400 would already have been a top if I had forgotten to double.

[ttti]

Many years ago we played team competition. We had cards and bid 3 NT after a slight interference (all vulnerable). Then they bid 4 ♥ and I of course doubled. Three down and N wrote down -300. I said "You forgot the double". N said "What double?". TD came to table and we explained the sequence. TD said "4 ♥ D -800".

[ggwhiz]

Directing on BBO I got 2 calls from different players on the same night.

 

1. I keep clicking on the cards and nothing happens

 

2. I can't play the hand. The cards are playing themselves

 

I'll leave it you to work it out.

[barmar]

Directing on BBO I got 2 calls from different players on the same night.

 

1. I keep clicking on the cards and nothing happens

 

2. I can't play the hand. The cards are playing themselves

 

I'll leave it you to work it out.

I guess there's a reason it's called "dummy". :)

 

(Please, no replies explaining the actual derivation of the term, I know what it is.)

[pescetom]

Directing on BBO I got 2 calls from different players on the same night.

 

1. I keep clicking on the cards and nothing happens

 

2. I can't play the hand. The cards are playing themselves

 

I'll leave it you to work it out.

 

IMO that's not as dumb as it may sound.

The problem is at least partially in the BBO user interface, which uses a yellow bar to indicate which hand is due to play, but makes no attempt (that I remember) to indicate which of the two hands visible is dummy or to advise you that your partner is due to play "your" hand, even if you attempt to play it yourself. Nor does it give you a countdown or other signal when it actually is waiting for you to play.

I remember that at the beginning I used to click on the cards just to make sure I really was dummy and not declarer, because it wasn't immediately obvious and I didn't want to be timed out of a tournament.

Sitting at a real bridge table there are a thousand clues that you must drop your cards and become dummy, but in front of a computer some help is appropriate.

[manudude03]

Had to revive this as I got a priceless comment playing tonight. I had KJxx AJTxx Ax Kx and heard a 1D opener on the right. Regardless of where you stand on the 1H vs double issue, I chose to double. The auction ended up going P-P-1D-X-P-1S-2D-2S-AP. I wished I could bid 2.5 spades, but settled for two. This ended up making 10 tricks. The hopeless comment? Partner after the hand said "You should overcall 1NT, give me a chance to show my suit".

[perko90]

My favorite from my local club.

A weak player to his partner immediately after the session, "42 percent!? How can that be? I didn't make a single mistake and neither did you."

[helene_t]

1NT-3NT

4♣*-4♥

4NT-pass

 

*Gerber, of course

 

Result: 4NT-1

 

Opener: I had 17 points! I needed to investigate slam!

Responder: I just used fast arrival! I had no slam interest, so you should trust me and pass! If I had bid 2NT, it would be different!

[barmar]

My favorite from my local club.

A weak player to his partner immediately after the session, "42 percent!? How can that be? I didn't make a single mistake and neither did you."

I feel for them. How many of us have had poor sessions where it seemed like nothing was your own fault? Bad distribution, the opponents found the killing lead or successful sacrifice, you misguessed a 2-way finesse when there were no clues, etc. Lots of "par" results matchpointed poorly.

 

But it's hard to get to the low 40's just because of bad luck.

[k8964]

Opponents' bidding goes like 1S-2S-3S-4S. The opener has 13HCP and responder has 9HCP. They go down 1. Responder can't be blamed if he complained but he did not. I can't believe the opener has the audacity to complain that "P I don't think you have enough to bid 4S". The opener has hundreds of log in and claims to be intermediate.