Most hopeless / clueless comment?

[mycroft]

Which, especially because there's a checkbox right on the top of the card where the system is labelled, seems really odd (says the K/S player, who plays 2/1 GF unless suit rebid).

 

I wonder what that person thinks our Precision w/GF 2/1s should be called.

[sfi]

I wonder what that person thinks our Precision w/GF 2/1s should be called.

 

How about 'Strong Club, 2/1 GF'? I would expect 2/1 somewhere in the system description if that's part of the system.

[CamHenry]

My own favourite clueless comment comes from a low table in a Swiss Pairs. Partner and I had found our level for the day, and were playing against a pair of LOLs. We play an artificial system: strong diamond, multi-way openings, reversed majors; basically anything the EBU would permit. We played six of the seven boards, handing them as many tops as they handed us (it was that kind of day), and then on board seven I held a non-descript balanced 10-count first in at favourable. I opened 1NT, announced as 9-11; everyone passed; partner puts down a non-descript 3-count and I managed two tricks for -250. One of them said to the other "I think we can make slam in spades" (true; it's about 75% and comes off). Her partner agreed, and offered an excuse for her lack of action on a 17-count:

 

"I'm sorry partner, they blinded me with science!"

[RSClyde]

I had this auction:

2♠ 3♦ 3♥ P

4♥ AP

This made and when we whipped out the traveler, the diamond bidder, who couldn't analyze the hands, looked at it wrong and the following conversation ensued:

Opp1: I knew it! We can make 5 diamonds!

Opp2: I had 2 points.

Opp1: It's not all about points! It's about distribution!

Opp2: I had 2 points and 2 diamonds.

[RSClyde]

1♣ 1nt X P

2♣ P 2nt P

3♣

How many clubs does opener have? Why 3 of course.

The X was alerted at "a relay to 2♣" though they weren't playing that in this auction. Then when dummy came down she said, "I'm sorry, I thought 2nt was for the minors"

[Lorne50]

Not a comment but certainly a pretty stupid play. My partner got locked in dummy with 6 tricks left playing NT, dummy had:

♦AKQJ5

♥8

 

RHO had:

♣A

♦xxx

♥J10

 

The other hearts had gone so a normal person would claim their diamonds and give up a heart (and maybe a diamond) but my partner knew the oppo better than me. He cashed his 5 diamonds and RHO kept the ♣A !!!

[olegru]

2 weeks ago.

Opponents bidding:

East- West

1NT - 2♣

2♦-4♥

pass

 

West: "I thought your 2♦ was transfer to ♥."

 

They played 4 ♥, down 2 on 36 points and 2-2 fit.

 

There were 3 lines in protocol, our was in the middle. Both other pair played 7NT. One re-doubled made, other just doubled, down two. The only picture card on our line was Ace.

[blackshoe]

My favorite is the woman who, in the post mortem, told her partner "I didn't come here to think, I came here to play bridge!" :lol:

[diana_eva]

My favorite is the woman who, in the post mortem, told her partner "I didn't come here to think, I came here to play bridge!" :lol:

 

This happened to me too. As a beginner I liked to go over the hands with my partners who were also beginners. Several of them told me they just like to play, not think or analyze. Never thought of it as a hopeless comment, rather as an attitude.

[helene_t]

Robson wrote about a newcommer in a snobbish male only club in London, who in the postmortem told an opponent how the latter could have made the contract by "counting the hand"

 

The response: "My dear boy, I don't count. I consider counting a vulgar middle class habit"

[OleBerg]

My partner was asked:

 

"Does 2♥ show anything about the spade lenght?"

 

"Nothing at all. Except that it shows exactly three."

 

Best Regards

 

Ole Berg

[Lord Molyb]

apparently it's less clueless than me, so never mind Edited November 30, 2013 by Lord Molyb

[OleBerg]

True story, a competent player to his teammates:

 

"You let East play 1♣??? How did the bidding go???"

 

Not so trye story about Stalin playing with three generals:

 

The bidding goes:

 

1♣ -3♦ - 3♠ - 4♥

1♣ - pass - pass - pass

 

Best Regards

 

Ole Berg

[GreenMan]

True story, a competent player to his teammates:

 

"You let East play 1♣??? How did the bidding go???"

 

A teammate of mine once got as far as "How did the" before he caught himself. :D

[ArtK78]

True story, a competent player to his teammates:

 

"You let East play 1♣??? How did the bidding go???"

I have heard the same story with passed out, but that was only as a joke.

[Cyberyeti]

True story, a competent player to his teammates:

 

"You let East play 1♣??? How did the bidding go???"

 

 

Well having had the unopposed auction 1♠-1♦-1♥-1♠-P anything is possible.

[ggwhiz]

On the other side of the coin I once gathered wool for a full minute (and no reason) in a competitive auction. My lho called for the Director but it was a noisy room and he got no response.

 

Partner told him "We will admit to the facts if you need the Director later" waited a bit and said "but it wasn't a hesitation." another pause.

 

It was a coma.

[PhilKing]

P - P - 1NT - P

2♣ - 2♥ - AP

2♥ went down three nonvulnerable and the 1NT opener, holding ♠Jx ♥Jxxx ♦KJxx ♣AKQx, complained she couldn't double 2♥ because that would be a negative double, showing spades.

 

My bad - that's how I play it. :ph34r:

[sfi]

So the auction starts with partner as dealer:

1C (strong) - (P) - 1D (weak) - (P)

1H - (P) - P - (P)

 

Now RHO bids 1NT and LHO alerts this!

 

The director sorts all this out and talks to the opponents away from the table. He decides he's not convinced they have a firm systemic agreement for bids in this situation and mentions there will be lead restrictions should my LHO obtain the lead. LHO promptly selects a spade which is (a) out of turn and (b) ignoring the lead restrictions. Major penalty card, my partner now forbids a spade lead and we get started.

 

But wait, there's more! LHO now gets in and leads before the director (who is now standing here and trying not to laugh) can remind them of the lead restrictions which still remain. So partner gets to demand a spade lead and we finish the hand without further incident.

 

How did we do? 7 tricks like everyone else who played hearts, but the director complimented my partner later on how carefully she played the hand.

[Free]

P - P - 1NT - P

2♣ - 2♥ - AP

2♥ went down three nonvulnerable and the 1NT opener, holding ♠Jx ♥Jxxx ♦KJxx ♣AKQx, complained she couldn't double 2♥ because that would be a negative double, showing spades.

Many play this as takeout, so I don't see what's so useless about that comment.

 

Perhaps a more useless comment is in your signature. An unshuffeled deck has the Ace next to the 2, and orders the suits differently... :P

[Lord Molyb]

Many play this as takeout, so I don't see what's so useless about that comment.

 

Perhaps a more useless comment is in your signature. An unshuffeled deck has the Ace next to the 2, and orders the suits differently... :P

sorry, had no idea on either of those. removing

[Fluffy]

I was waiting for the finnish of a tourney the other day and saw the worst trick interchange of my life.

 

1NT doubled, one player had 16, and the other 18, the other players were out of entries soon on the game, and then they started to fight one trick for me, one for you.

 

From tricks 7-11 they managed to make 6 almost consecutive double dummy mistakes moving the contract from down to making or viceversa. In the end position declarer made a pretty play, with ♣102 managed to lead the 2 when only ♣3 was remaining.

[ggwhiz]

Toronto Regional many years ago we were making the boards prior to the Stratified pairs when my lho exclaimed "Oh look! We are going to play a round against the great Harmon Edgar".

 

Rho asked "who's he playing with?" and lho said "I don't know, must be a pro date". My partner said "It definitely is".

 

I turned around and Harmon was playing with Lynn Deas.

 

Harmon IS great but had barely made LM at the time.

[Zelandakh]

The great thing about this thread is that you see the same stories time after time. For the last one, see post #47, for example. Not to pick this one out either - several others have been seen before (perhaps from me too).

[GreenMan]

The great thing about this thread is that you see the same stories time after time. For the last one, see post #47, for example. Not to pick this one out either - several others have been seen before (perhaps from me too).

 

I know that with a thread this old experienced I sometimes forget I've already posted some story that's a propos and may well do it again. Apologies (in advance if necessary) if I do that.