Most hopeless / clueless comment?

[BunnyGo]

:P Many moons ago I was teaching at a backwoods college in Arkansas. I found a reasonable partner who introduced me to the 'local' duplicate at various surrounding towns including a weekly 4 or 5 table game at Paragould run by a nice older gent. When the 'big' tournament came along, a regional at Jackson, Mississippi, my pard volunteered me to play with the nice older gent.

 

As we sat down for the first of four sessions together, the 'nice older gent' mentioned that he needed 5.2 red masterpoints to make life master. Red masterpoints were, at that time, available only at regional and national tournaments. I mumbled some kind of encouraging remark that we had a shot to make it this tournament.

 

He then looked me straight in the eye and said: 'I hope so, the doc says my emphysema is getting worse, this is probably my last red point (bridge) tournament.'

 

and?....

[gwnn]

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After the bidding LHO led ♦A in a flash, and RHO insta pulled ♦4 from his hand, before even seeing a card from dummy.

 

Dummy took quite a while to put down since my partner is slow, but as soon as diamonds hit the table, the ♦4 did as well, dummy then pulled ♦3 but I said no-no-no, I didn´t play yet. RHO had to pull 4♦ back, and just for the shake of it I made him keep the card in his hand for half a minute untill he got tired and had to put it down (facedown) on the table.

 

Then I finally decided to play and played ♦3 from dummy, and RHO folowed, I played my 8 to let LHO think of doubleton ♦4-2(lol).

 

Yeah LHO though of doubleton a lot, as she insta returned ♦6 instead of the King, RHO Ruffed it and I was just home there. But after the club return I gave myself the extra chance that trumps were 1-4, by ruffing 2 diamonds in hand, and using ♥A and top club ruff in dummy as entries to make diamonds good and discard my spade.

 

Not a chance as RHO ruffed first diamond with ♥J to try a promotion, so I just pitched ym ♠4 there.

 

 

Oh well the clueless comment? LHO said after the deal : Don´t ruff the diamond, it is my trick with the King

my favourite one so far :)

[mikestar13]

<snip>

 

A good friend of mine was playing against an very strong female player, who later went on to play for Australia. This young lady had a habit of wering very low cut, sheer bouses and a black leather micro mini. She was also very well endowed. Sh also used to lean forward so that everyone always got a great view. my friend was more interested in doing well rather than enjoying the sights, so this was too much for him and he came out with this line, "Would you please remove your tits from the table unless you intend to play them to this trick."

 

A real beauty (the story, well maybe also the ...) and it reminds me of one of my own experiences. In my regular Thursday night rubber game many years ago, I was well known to everyone there as a bridge addict. One night, I was telling the well-known story about the great Terrence Reese playing a difficult slam hand and never even looking up while an attractive and totally naked woman walked around the room. My partner at the time then asked "What would you do if it happened to you?" (thinking I would claim I would emulate Reese) and my answer was: "I'd say, 'Partner, you come around the table and play this one while I go chase that lady. I may be a bridge addict, but I'm not crazy.'"

[neilkaz]

One of my favorites from the club over 20 years ago. Weeknight pairs game and PD and I are sitting across from an older married pair who often agrued so much that it slowed the game down.

Wife was quite strong and would be a respected expert on BBO whereas hubby was basically as skilled as the average advanced pickup.

 

Hand 1) A text book hand since based on the HCP played and my opening and partner's failure to raise it, I simply have to have the K of trumps so hubby with a 5-4 fit must play to drop it stiff. He hooks and goes -1 and she, trying to restrain herself, but in an annoying voice, explains that he could could HCP and that I almost certainly have to have the King. He replies that he isn't good enough to tell that (understatement of the year) and she looks at us and says that she's been trying to teach him for 30 years :rolleyes: .

 

Hand 2) They both show monster hands in the bidding and a♦ fit and he thinks and thinks about a slam move while she scowls at him. Lacking Kickback, he finally wimps it and stops in 5♦. My lead goes to PD's ace and he exits and hubby wins in dummy and leads a trump. Hubby thinks and thinks (more nastier looking scowls) and finally ducks it into my stiff king !! I exit and the card they need to make with no risk drops easily on very basic play for 11 tricks for them.

 

Wife looks at the traveller as she scores and says, "Everyone else is taking 12 tricks, what happened?" He replies that he ducked, "hoping to endplay him" and then griping about losing to my stiff K for the 2nd time. She was sympathetic but said that with 11 trumps it is better to try to drop it, and then if not, he could hope I am endplayed or err. He raises his voice and utters some nonsense and she gets defensive and says this is basic percentages which I know that you know. He says "I do, but I thought the finesse was better". Now I simply can't resist telling them that that each hand had 6♦. She couldn't believe it. I then pointed out that PD had disc'd a ♥ on the first trump (neither had noticed) and :lol: the last time I heard that much noise I was watching the 4th of July fireworks.

 

After a chair was knocked over, she said that it was her fault for marrying him as the director came over to try to calm them.

 

Oh...back on topic..most useless/clueless comment.."I was hoping to endplay him" after losing to my stiff K with 12 cards between declarer and dummy.

 

.. neilkaz ..

[Phil]

Partner held this trump suit on Saturday:

 

98xx

 

AQTxx

 

LHO plays three rounds of spades, ruffed in dummy with the 9 whereas RHO discards.

 

He cannot work out that LHO has the K and J.

 

Unfortunately for us, they were doubleton. He says, how can I possibly guess this? :ph34r:

[wank]

1) i was playing with a client in the quarter final of a knock-out teams event with the tournament winners representing England in a European championship and we're winning by 6 going into the last 8 boards.

 

i put dummy after partner's 1NT opener. dummy includes kx of the suit led. partner has jxx. partner puts the king up, loses to the ace, and the opps cash 5 rounds of the suit when RHO continues them to LHO's original QTxxx. -1. i'm not feeling very good. partner says 'there was nothing i could do there was there?'. dutifully with my mind on the remaining boards of the set i said 'no, you couldn't make it'. in the end we won by 4, with a 6 imp pick up on the final board.

 

2) when i was about 15 i played against some bunnies in a north london bridge club. our bidding went pass, pass, pass, 2nt, pass, 3nt, double, all pass. +550. i was busy smirking to myself about the muppet who Xed with a flat 7-count and the £50 prize (about $100 at the time and very nice for a 15 year old) which we were on course to win. My partner was too rich to care so asked why the old buffer had Xed it. The old buffer said he doubled because his partner had made his original pass slowly which they played as showing a maximum and that perforce with his 7 points he knew we didn't have the 25 required to make 3NT.

[barmar]

partner says 'there was nothing i could do there was there?'. dutifully with my mind on the remaining boards of the set i said 'no, you couldn't make it'.

Of course, in your mind you put extra emphasis on "you".

[billw55]

.. and another one I recall:

 

Playing in an individual event (one board per partner!), this round I have a player that my regular partner played with for several months. She reported on several occasions that this player would make silly criticisms in the post mortems. I wasn't sure how much she was exaggerating, but eventually they stopped playing together because of it.

 

So I end up in 4♥ with a 6-2 fit and find JT9xx of trumps in one hand against me. I play off the AKQ and go about my business in the side suits. RHO eventually ruffs in twice for down one.

 

CHO now says "you should draw his trumps so he can't get those ruffs". I explain that they were high trumps but this does not deter him. "If you draw them he doesn't get to ruff". Eventually RHO (a player of some reputation in our club) comments that drawing them doesn't help, which the fellow immediately accepts. I guess actually examining the evidence didn't occur to him.

[rasmuskold]

In a pairs game, we played against a couple which are pretty clueless. They had reached some hopeless contract, which we doubled -3 for 500. I don't think that our side could even make a part score. The wife was declarer, and to console her the husband commented: 'It's okay to go down 3, since we are green vs red'

[Fluffy]

Partner held this trump suit on Saturday:

 

98xx

 

AQTxx

 

LHO plays three rounds of spades, ruffed in dummy with the 9 whereas RHO discards.

 

He cannot work out that LHO has the K and J.

 

Unfortunately for us, they were doubleton. He says, how can I possibly guess this? :ph34r:

Oh *****, the same Saturday with just some hours of time-zone difference my partner did the same after runffing with the Jack with Jxx opposite AK10xx and finesing the way back, I didn´t let him the chance of saying anything though.

[Free]

During the European Championships, Bocchi asked for a ruling, I don't know the exact hand though. Basically it was a misexplanation, and he claimed that they would've sacrificed against some game contract and would go -3 (NV vs V). However, if you look at the hand, everyone would go -4 on that hand. That's why the TD, a friend of mine, didn't adjust the score. TD explained that the sacrifice wouldn't gain, because Bocchi would go -4. Bocchi's reaction: "YOU (pointing his finger) would go -4, I will go -3". However, he couldn't explain how he'd do this with 100% certainty... :rolleyes: Result stands.

[neilkaz]

This was my 2nd hand ever on BBO. Opps were Red we were White and the opps played Bergen raises and ended up in 3♠X with me on lead with AKQJ♠. Dummy(the Bergen raiser) came down as 4333 with 9 high! I drew 4 rds of trump and then careful defence meant that declarer took only his 2 aces and his 5th trump for -1700.

 

After the hand, declarer said,"Unlucky, but this is our system and we'll stick to it." His partner replied," Yeah, with 9 trumps we're protected by the LAW".

 

.. neilkaz ..

[Antrax]

I must be clueless too. Is it wrong to open 1S with a bad suit? Or is the mistake to raise to the 3-level with four small?

[Mbodell]

I must be clueless too. Is it wrong to open 1S with a bad suit? Or is the mistake to raise to the 3-level with four small?

 

Assuming 9 high means a Yarborough and not a 9-hcp hand, then the LAW doesn't apply since it is supposed to be when both sides are around equal in points. Also raising to the 3 level with 4333 is pretty bad since the 4333 shape is death and hard since no ruffs in the short hand.

[Antrax]

Oh, I interpreted "9 high" as "9 HCP".

[olegru]

Playing against husband-wife partnership.

The first board.

 

I am declaring 2♥

LHO (husband) leads small ♦.

Dummy has ♦ Kxxxx and I have the ♦J singleton in my hand.

RHO tanks a lot and finally plays ♦10. Good result for me.

 

After board was over RHO decided to lecture his wife: "If you are on the third sit you should not think what card to play. Just play the top, period!"

 

The very next board. I am declarer in 3NT.

RHO starts from two top diamonds, and on the second round LHO gives Lavinthal for clubs.

Clubs suit around the table was like this:

......♣ AQx

♣ J8x.......♣ K10x

......♣ 9xxx

LHO plays small club, small from the table and King from RHO...

 

"Why did not you think..." started LHO after board was over.

He did not have an opportunity to add any more words for at least 10 minutes because now RHO started her speech...

[Lobowolf]

I was playing at a Regional once, and led the ace of a side suit. Declarer asked my partner, "Do you lead ace from ace-king?" Partner told her (correctly) that we do. At the end of the hand, when partner turned up with the king of that suit, declarer called the director on me.

[Venom]

Audrey Grant reported this at one of her lectures during the Summer NABCs in Toronto this past July '11. Not sure that this rates as being clueless. In fact, it's quite the opposite as well as being humorous and something to try sometimes.

 

According to Audrey, Shannon Cappelletti suggested the following answer or response to use after a mistake has been made and partner has started to inquire why you bid or played such-and-such or some other critical comment. The Answer? = "Because I Hate You!". It absolutely breaks the tension. Try it (and then duck to void flying objects).

 

DHL aka Double !

[gnasher]

Here's a particularly inane comment that was made at my table today:

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South played in 6♥ after West had shown the minors. West cashed ♦K, then paused for thought. After about 30 seconds declarer claimed, saying, "If you had eight clubs I expect you'd have played one by now."

[dwar0123]

Here's a particularly inane comment that was made at my table today:

[hv=pc=n&s=s3haqjt986d84caj6&n=sak85hk75432d2ck7]133|200[/hv]

South played in 6♥ after West had shown the minors. West cashed ♦K, then paused for thought. After about 30 seconds declarer claimed, saying, "If you had eight clubs I expect you'd have played one by now."

Took me awhile to see the 13 card heart fit.

[Antrax]

It wasn't "post hand" but I thought this qualifies:

Yesterday a pair arrived at our table. A woman is highly distraught, mumbling "This is appeal material! What a bad director, they can't do that!" with her partner consoling her "yeah, some people just care about winning, you can't help that". Curious, I ask what the matter was. The woman tells me "he (presumably an opponent - A) opened 1NT with only 14 HCP!". I consider how to reply to that, and she continues "and his partner looks me in the eye and announces it '15 to 17'! And it was our game! My partner overcalled 2♠ but I counted the HCP and knew we can't have the 25 required for game, so I passed, and we had 4♠, and it's all because he lied about his point count. HE HAD ONLY 14!"

 

Right. At that point I felt obligated to inform her that I had done the same thing earlier in the day (lest it happen again in the upcoming two boards and she gets an aneurism or something), and told them I could try and explain this highly illogical bid if there's time after the round. Luckily, during one of the boards that followed I made a light overcall that threw partner off on the defense and gave them an extra trick, so I just pointed the incident out to show how it cuts both ways as long as there's no concealed understanding yadda yadda, and she seemed somewhat mollified - at least she stopped muttering about it.

[billw55]

It wasn't "post hand" but I thought this qualifies:

Yesterday a pair arrived at our table. A woman is highly distraught, mumbling "This is appeal material! What a bad director, they can't do that!" with her partner consoling her "yeah, some people just care about winning, you can't help that". Curious, I ask what the matter was. The woman tells me "he (presumably an opponent - A) opened 1NT with only 14 HCP!". I consider how to reply to that, and she continues "and his partner looks me in the eye and announces it '15 to 17'! And it was our game! My partner overcalled 2♠ but I counted the HCP and knew we can't have the 25 required for game, so I passed, and we had 4♠, and it's all because he lied about his point count. HE HAD ONLY 14!"

 

Right. At that point I felt obligated to inform her that I had done the same thing earlier in the day (lest it happen again in the upcoming two boards and she gets an aneurism or something), and told them I could try and explain this highly illogical bid if there's time after the round. Luckily, during one of the boards that followed I made a light overcall that threw partner off on the defense and gave them an extra trick, so I just pointed the incident out to show how it cuts both ways as long as there's no concealed understanding yadda yadda, and she seemed somewhat mollified - at least she stopped muttering about it.

Perhaps the perpetrator should have saved her the grief, by telling her he miscounted.

[HighLow21]

A story I found in other forum.

 

opp1:"Is that game try?"

opp2:"No, just invitation."

 

Hahahaha, that's awesome. The next question should be "OK, is it forcing?" It very well might be.

[HighLow21]

Took me awhile to see the 13 card heart fit.

 

Hey you never know. Maybe declarer was planning to rise K♣ on the club switch and then take the practice finesse.

[HighLow21]

It's not a specific comment, but more of a general one. When playing with the less astute, remember the following 10 rules:

 

(1) 4NT is always Blackwood regardless of context, and if you don't like partner's original suit, a bid of 4NT means you will not be able to stop short of 6NT. One time, an opponent said, after my 5NT correction, "Here comes the kings." I said "Yeah, I know."

(2) If partner really likes his suit, he will keep rebidding regardless of any support he has for your suits, and regardless of any inference available that you don't like his suit. And, eventually, he will bid NT as a "rescue."

(3) Just in general, NT is *always* an option if you have a stopper, regardless of whether you have any other tricks to take.

(4) Sometimes, even a stopper isn't necessary in (3) above.

(5) When you support partner's better minor opening, a reply in NT doesn't show a strong game invitation. It's a confession that he or she hates the fact that you supported his or her opening bid. Pass like lightning because you won't be able to stop short of 3NT even on a combined balanced 18 count.

(6) Using Blackwood doesn't necessarily mean that you know what strain you want to play in. This is evidenced by the 3-minute huddle after your reply to Blackwood.

(7) It's perfectly reasonable to use Blackwood if one is not sure whether to go to slam off one ace.

(8) If partner uses Blackwood and stops at the 5 level, having a void is a perfect reason to go 6.

(9) Opening 2♣ on a minimum 2♣ opener, you must continually rebid the same values, driving to a grand slam off one ace, or driving to a small slam off 2 aces.

(10) Similar ideas hold after a 1NT or 2NT opening. If, for example, you compete to 2H with a terrible hand and a 6-bagger, after the auction starts 1NT-2D, partner is not allowed to let you stop short of game. 3NT is the appropriate bid with a balanced minimum 1NT opener, and 4H is the appropriate bid with a minimum NT opener and heart support.

 

Oh man, I haven't even gotten to the actual play of the cards yet...

Edited February 11, 2012 by HighLow21