Most hopeless / clueless comment?

[helene_t]

I have had this discussion with some people in the acol club. I think that the fact that everyone says positive things all the time dilutes the value of compliments. I like 1eyedjack's profile text: "If I say WDP I mean it". But most people in the acol club see it differently.

 

This is not to say that I think that even beginners should only receive praise when they execute a viena coup or similar. For most players, it is already an achievement to play an entire hand without making multiple unforced errors, and if so they deserve praise for that. But saying "wdp" automatically whenever a contract makes, is silly imho.

[olegru]

Very recent online comments I receive from my partner after winning impossible contract with a huge help from defenders.

“Do not expect wdp, Partner. With 3 declarers this contract was easy to make.”

[billw55]

In fairness, on some hopeless contracts, it may be possible to play in a way that gives defenders opportunities to make errors, and other ways to play so that the defenders cannot screw up. In such a case, wdp could be true, in a way.

 

That said, I sometimes respond "typ, lucky" or something similar. Or maybe "typ, was cold" if the play was simple.

 

 

Recently I played one of those oh-so-common hands on BBO where my partner bid 4NT as blackwood, when I thought it should be quantitative. So I bid 6NT .. and when dummy appeared it was obvious we should be in 6♠, which was cold, while 6NT needed some help. A very fortunate lie of the minors allowed a squeeze to develop for my 12th trick - no swing.

 

After the board, the ops (both alleged experts) had a brief exchange. LHO (not squeezed) blamed RHO (squeezed) for 6NT making. RHO naturally protested, and LHO promptly replied "there was no squeeze". Which was funny since he has the whole hand record right there as soon as the play is over.

[phil_20686]

In one bridge club where I used to play there was a pair who were somewhat famous for playing a precision very badly.

 

One auction went 1C*-6N, dummy hits with AQx - AKJxx KJxxx* and this quietly drifted 3 off. Dummy suggested that there was little point playing a strong club system if one was going to bid this way, but declarer, with an air of authority, replied that the real problem was that openers hand was "a clear downgrade".

 

*This was many years ago before I had the knack for remembering hands, so no promises, but there was a heart void.

[EricK]

In the Acol club this is usually written as "vwpp". I really hate this when I am one of the hapless defenders´... :blink: ;)

Surely there should be a distinction between "wdp" and "wpp" (or even "vwpp")? The former ("well done, partner") being used for when the contract makes, the latter ("(very) well played, partner") for when partner has played (very) well.

[RMB1]

The former ("well done, partner") being used for when the contract makes, ...

... when partner's best efforts to go down were unequal to the defenders' efforts to let it through.

[tolvyrj]

Some 20 years ago in a pairs competition. Two quite well seasoned guys, friends with each other. I have no recall what the auction has been, but one of them launched Blackwood on the road and the other decide to make a "master" bid and response 6Nt. After a long silence everybody passess and the lead came into the board. Declarer had like 15 tricks on the top.

A very loud voice asked from his partner why the hell after he asks how many aces u have, u told me that bananas r on sale in local market.

I took a while before we stopped laughing.

Personally one of the most memorable moments was when i said that im sry after i had plundered perfectly easy game. His response was npp prd im sure u tried u best :rolleyes:

[Cyberyeti]

Partner (who was a pretty dozy sort) passed a 14 count, RHO opened 1♣ so I looked at my not much and found a pretty horrible jump overcall of 2♥ off Jxxxx, LHO passed (alerted as forcing) and we duly played 2♥X. The defence failed to lead trumps at any point so I made 5 trump tricks off Ax/Jxxxx and scored +470, then the nonsense started.

 

Opponents claimed psyche opposite psyche (when neither bid was a psyche, partner's was an error and mine was in system). Director ruled in their favour! and adjusted the score to 2♥ undoubled for 110 (where the auction could not possibly have ended as LHO's pass was forcing).

 

Opps couldn't see that the last thing I wanted partner to table was a 14 count here (so their game might not be on), and that they should have taken 500 on a trump lead, 300 on any half competent defence.

 

If I'm going to give the director any credit at all, he could see the scores on the other boards, and would have known that we still got a maximum VP win in the match even with this adjustment.

[1eyedjack]

Long ago. One of my first tournaments and the first tournament for my partner.

I open 4♠.

Opp: "How strong is it?"

Partner: "Should be strong. He wants to play game."

Opp: "Do you have any stronger opening bids?"

Partner: "Yes, of cause. 6♠ and 7♠."

That's a bit like the story narrated by Sontag in Power Precision, of an opponent from Yorkshire who opened 3C against him on what later turned out to be about a 19 count. When after the hand it was suggested that he was a bit strong for opening 3C he replied words to the effect "If I 'ave an 'opening 'and I open 1 Cloob. If I 'ave a strong 'and I open 2 Cloobs. If I 'ave a VERY strong 'and I open 3 Cloobs. ONCE, I opened 4 Cloobs."

 

Many years ago I played in the Portland Pairs - a national mixed pairs event in the UK. As we were about to play the first hand of a set, several rounds into the event, the piercing shriek of Richard Fleet was to be heard throughout the room ...

"DIRRRECTORRRR!"

"Er, yes?"

"Would you be so kind as to tell me which of these two gentlemen is the lady?"

[Free]

Many years ago an older friend of mine played an international tournament, but didn't know any of the opponents. They had some weird auction starting with 1♣-1M (he doesn't remember the exact auction) and his screen mate asked information. My friend explained it short as "Walsh". His screen mate shakes his head and said: "Impossible, I'm Walsh and I don't know this sequence". :)

[mikeh]

Many years ago an older friend of mine played an international tournament, but didn't know any of the opponents. They had some weird auction starting with 1♣-1M (he doesn't remember the exact auction) and his screen mate asked information. My friend explained it short as "Walsh". His screen mate shakes his head and said: "Impossible, I'm Walsh and I don't know this sequence". :)

In our neck of the woods, we sometimes play that when the auction starts 1m (1N) 2 of opener's minor is weak takeout for the majors. We call it Kokish.

 

A number of years ago, at a Vancouver Nationals, two friends of mine played against Eric and their favourite device came up. Opener duly alerted and was surprised when Kokish asked for an explanation.

 

'It's Kokish, of course....weak with both majors'

 

Eric laughed....he'd never heard of this usage let alone that he had invented it.

[cloa513]

That last post needs a little edit.

http://www.pattayabridge.com/BridgeJokes_main.htm

[manudude03]

I had one case tonight. The bidding goes (1S)-X-(2D)-P-(P)-2H-(3D). I have a close decision as to whether to double 3D or raise. I decide to double it being nv vs vul and we take it for 500. This ends up being a fairly average board with most pairs in some number of diamonds doubled. Further down the scores, there is a 2H+3. My partner says "Partner, why didn't you raise? We could have had 450 in 4H"

[blackshoe]

If I'm going to give the director any credit at all, he could see the scores on the other boards, and would have known that we still got a maximum VP win in the match even with this adjustment.

 

I really hate it when people praise directors, even faintly, for making an incompetent ruling "because it didn't matter". It always matters. :(

[the hog]

For those who enjoy David Bird's Monk books, Bro Hermann is based on a real character, a very fine but erratic Australian player. "Hermann", not his real name, was playing in a serious event with a well known Australian Bridge author and very good player, (not rdk), whom I shall call Tim.

Hermann is on lead against 6NT, which he doubled, holding 2 Aces. He leads one Ace and then goes into the tank and switches to a low card. Declarer plays the hand well and and Tim has to discard from K Jxxx in the endgame and defends correctly in discarding the K. His J of Hearts takes the setting trick. He gathers up his cards and throws them in Hermann's face. Hermann merely laughs and replies, "Well, I thought we might get it 2 off".

 

Another one. I was playing in a National event against Stephen Burgess, an extremely good NZ international, and his terrible, but very wealthy client. The client, (whom I shall call E), puts down a dummy that does not even remotely resemble his bidding. Burgess takes one look at dummy and comes out with, "E get your f*****g ugly face to the bar, order everyone at the table a drink and don't come back until the hand is over." The client is still around by the way and these days hires top Polish internationals to play with him.

On another occasion, Burgess, playing with the same client was defending a contract. He turned his seat around and played his cards by throwing them over his shoulder. The director was called and Burgess commented, "This is the only way I don't get to look at him botch another defence."

 

A good friend of mine was playing against an very strong female player, who later went on to play for Australia. This young lady had a habit of wering very low cut, sheer bouses and a black leather micro mini. She was also very well endowed. Sh also used to lean forward so that everyone always got a great view. my friend was more interested in doing well rather than enjoying the sights, so this was too much for him and he came out with this line, "Would you please remove your tits from the table unless you intend to play them to this trick."

[gordontd]

Another one. I was playing in a National event against Stephen Burgess, an extremely good NZ international, and his terrible, but very wealthy client. The client, (whom I shall call E), puts down a dummy that does not even remotely resemble his bidding. Burgess takes one look at dummy and comes out with, "E get your f*****g ugly face to the bar, order everyone at the table a drink and don't come back until the hand is over." The client is still around by the way and these days hires top Polish internationals to play with him.

On another occasion, Burgess, playing with the same client was defending a contract. He turned his seat around and played his cards by throwing them over his shoulder. The director was called and Burgess commented, "This is the only way I don't get to look at him botch another defence."

It amazes me how rude some professionals can manage to be, and still get employed.

[Cyberyeti]

I really hate it when people praise directors, even faintly, for making an incompetent ruling "because it didn't matter". It always matters. :(

You don't understand Norfolk bridge at all then, the role of the director seems to keep the lols happy so they keep playing, not to enforce the rules, here he managed to do that without affecting the "big bad experts".

[billw55]

That last post needs a little edit.

http://www.pattayabr...eJokes_main.htm

Did you hear about the lady who always went down one in 3 NT? When asked about this she said she was just following her teacher’s advice: “Eight ever, Nine never.”

 

That one made me lol

[Raff90]

Once we had a tournament for the schools team. All of them are between 13 - 19.

And there is one little fellow who is a genious but a little crazy as well.

 

So they were in an auction and the genious was asking for aces.

When his partner responded ( miscounted ), the genious screamed for the tournament director and complained why his partner is lying to him :)

[the hog]

It amazes me how rude some professionals can manage to be, and still get employed.

 

Oh, this client took it all. Mind you, Burgess was a world class player in those days.

[Bbradley62]

Very similar to a story above... Playing Stratified Pairs at (allegedly) Spring 1985 NABC in Montreal... I have specifically not told my newbie partner (the proud holder of 2 masterpoints, playing his first-ever tournament) about seeded tables... he alerts a bid of mine... Opp asks, and Pete says "that's Bergen 2NT; it means..." but Opp holds up his hand and says "that's okay, I know what it means"... We bid and made our 23-point spade game for a huge score... I let pard leave first, then turned to Opp and said "Your column is the first thing we turn to in the Bulletin every month, and we incorporate as much as we can into our system. Thank you for writing it." About three rounds later, pard said "you've been grinning ever since that Bergen 2N auction. Why?" I had to tell him...

[ggwhiz]

Similar again.

 

At a Toronto NABC we sat down to make the boards and an opponent looked around and told her partner "Oh look! we are going to play against **** in round three." (a well known Toronto player).

 

Herr pard asked who he was playing with and she said "I don't know, must be a pro date".

 

We said yup in confirmation. It was Lynn Deas..... and it was.

[Fluffy]

[hv=pc=n&s=s4hk98532d82cakj2&w=sj65hq6dakj6ct863&n=skqt2ha4dqt9753cq&e=sa9873hjt7d4c9754&d=n&v=0&b=1&a=1dp1hp2dp3hp4hppp&p=dad3d4d8d6d9h7d2c5c2c3cqd5hjs4]399|300[/hv]

 

After the bidding LHO led ♦A in a flash, and RHO insta pulled ♦4 from his hand, before even seeing a card from dummy.

 

Dummy took quite a while to put down since my partner is slow, but as soon as diamonds hit the table, the ♦4 did as well, dummy then pulled ♦3 but I said no-no-no, I didn´t play yet. RHO had to pull 4♦ back, and just for the shake of it I made him keep the card in his hand for half a minute untill he got tired and had to put it down (facedown) on the table.

 

Then I finally decided to play and played ♦3 from dummy, and RHO folowed, I played my 8 to let LHO think of doubleton ♦4-2(lol).

 

Yeah LHO though of doubleton a lot, as she insta returned ♦6 instead of the King, RHO Ruffed it and I was just home there. But after the club return I gave myself the extra chance that trumps were 1-4, by ruffing 2 diamonds in hand, and using ♥A and top club ruff in dummy as entries to make diamonds good and discard my spade.

 

Not a chance as RHO ruffed first diamond with ♥J to try a promotion, so I just pitched ym ♠4 there.

 

 

Oh well the clueless comment? LHO said after the deal : Don´t ruff the diamond, it is my trick with the King

[benlessard]

Kantar stories with his students are great, The name of the book is Classic Kantar. Kantar make a cuebid and the LOL bid 3nt. Opps before leading ask what was the agreement about the cuebid, she replied "he's either asking me something or showing me something, I don't know and I don't care."

[jdeegan]

:P Many moons ago I was teaching at a backwoods college in Arkansas. I found a reasonable partner who introduced me to the 'local' duplicate at various surrounding towns including a weekly 4 or 5 table game at Paragould run by a nice older gent. When the 'big' tournament came along, a regional at Jackson, Mississippi, my pard volunteered me to play with the nice older gent.

 

As we sat down for the first of four sessions together, the 'nice older gent' mentioned that he needed 5.2 red masterpoints to make life master. Red masterpoints were, at that time, available only at regional and national tournaments. I mumbled some kind of encouraging remark that we had a shot to make it this tournament.

 

He then looked me straight in the eye and said: 'I hope so, the doc says my emphysema is getting worse, this is probably my last red point (bridge) tournament.'