Most hopeless / clueless comment?

[flametree]

Playing at the club the other night, in a supposedly premier grade room, this auction came about, with me dealer :

 

2♣ - pass - 2♦ - 3♠

4♣ - pass - 4♦ - pass

4NT - pass - 5♣ - pass

6♦

 

Neither opponent bothered to ask a question about our bidding beyond the 2C opener (despite the fact that it was the weak hand who ended up as declarer).

 

Slam duly made, we had a couple of minutes to discuss the hand.

 

LHO : "I thought your partner told you he had no aces?"

Me : "Oh no. 4NT was key-card, and 5♣ showed 1 or 4 key card. Since I had the king of diamonds, I knew he had an ace."

LHO : "No. You bid 4C, and he replied 4D."

Me : "ummmmmmmm"

 

Anyone have any other gems to share?

[BunnyGo]

The favorite of mine that comes to mine, was I was declaring a hopeless 2♥ contract. With about 5 or so tricks to play, RHO was on lead and all 4 players (even dummy) knew (or should have known) what the remaining cards were.

 

However RHO led up into dummy's tenace finessing her partner and rectifying the count for me (by giving me a winner) for a squeeze. After her partner was then squeezed for another trick, RHO berated her for a minute about not pitching her stoppers.

[manudude03]

I once had this auction with Helene in the club (at Lancaster):

 

1C-(1S)-P-(2S)

4NT-(P)-5D-AP

 

My RHO asks after the auction "Does 5D show 1 ace?" LHO took 2 mins after the round explaining why 4NT couldn't be blackwood :).

 

I guess the other funny one I remember was the opps bidding:

 

1D-1S

4C-4H

4S-P

 

4C was gerber. After declarer made her cold 12 tricks she said something like "Sorry partner, I had no idea you were that strong"

 

Edit: just remembered a third, though to be fair RHO was a beginner here.

 

I was declaring some 3NT contract and I know that the opponents only have 3 clubs left between them, so I claim holding ♣AKQT saying I play clubs from the top and the jack is coming down, RHO complains saying she should get a club trick with her Jxx.

[Free]

When people ask a yes/no-question (typically to show they know the name of some convention that I don't use), usually the answer is "no". And for some reason, most club players stop asking at that point... :blink:

[ggwhiz]

Not a comment but a "comment" on her pard?

 

I once had a couple come to the table and she was really p***ssed having bean berated around the room.

 

My partner on play with him to lead, she detached 2 cards face down on the table and looked around the room obviously wanting the game to end.

 

He led, pard finessed, she won and fired back a return from the 2 detached cards and put 2 more down in front of her.

 

She did this the whole hand and defended double dummy. I'll never forget the look on pards face.

[frank0]

A story I found in other forum.

 

opp1:"Is that game try?"

opp2:"No, just invitation."

[barmar]

When people ask a yes/no-question (typically to show they know the name of some convention that I don't use), usually the answer is "no". And for some reason, most club players stop asking at that point... :blink:

In the US at least, it doesn't matter how they ask the question, you're supposed to provide complete disclosure. So if they ask "Is that <whatever>?", you shouldn't stop at "No", you should say, "No, it shows <whatever it shows>."

[mikeh]

Several years ago, playing in a club game with my wife, we had an auction, the details of which are lost in the mists of time but that definitely involved me showing a 4 card spade suit on my second bid. My wife, who is a fearless bidder, eventually raised my 3N call to 6N.

 

LHO took some time to lead but eventually led a non-spade, which was good news since we were off the AK in that suit.

 

Unfortunately we didn't have 12 winners. But after a winning finesse, I was able to run a long suit and strip-squeeze LHO out of a top spade......and I then threw her in with the other top spade to make the contract on an endplay.

 

We were scoring up this inter-galactic top when LHO said that she felt I had played the hand very well. I foolishly, and with no malice intended, asked her why she hadn't led the spade AK on the go....her answer was: 'You bid spades and I thought you'd be ready for the lead'

 

I know...this sounds impossible but this is the same club at which I won 3 tricks by strength with 8642 in dummy opposite QJ5 in hand in a notrump contract, after they led the suit at trick one and I returned it at trick 2...btw, there was no revoke. Playing at this club may go a long way towards explaining why my partner and I were non-competitive in Veldhoven :P The opps there played a little better.

[inquiry]

My partner at pairs once held AKJT-eigth of spades and never bid. This -- as you might imagine-- distorted the auction and the opponents eventually arrived at 6nt which partner promptly doubled in a loud voice. He was on lead and yes, he found the double. And he found the lead of the king of spades. Of course, my hand was useless and I played my only spade -- a low one like the two or three, there were two in dummy. Partner switched to a red card and declarer won all the remainder of the tricks.

 

When i asked him why he didn't continue spades, he said he wanted to wait until i got in to lead a spade through declarer's queen.

[sfi]

Many years ago I was playing with someone who taught me bridge, and he reached an end position with QJxx of clubs in dummy opposite Ax and two good trumps in his hand. LHO was on lead and was endplayed into leading a club. He played the Ace (out of turn) and claimed down 1, giving up the last trick. He then asked me if there was any way he could do better. I could only reply that "no - you couldn't".

 

It was my first experience seeing that genuinely smart people just don't get this game sometimes.

[the hog]

"I once had a couple come to the table and she was really p***ssed having bean berated around the room."

Full of wind from all those beans, was she?

[MrAce]

This is a real story. But i am not sure if it qualifies for this topic, i will tell it anyway.

 

In Turkey we have this guy named Mahmut at bridge club, who is famous for his attitude vs his partners. Always complains about his regular pd Orhan. His pd, a very well educated engineer and a decent player, one day decided not to put up with Mahmut's insults and said " Mahmut, if i hear 1 more time he did this he did that, he did not do this, i swear to god that will be the end of our pdship. This is pdship game, if you are going to talk i want you to use the words WE or US from now on please"

 

Mahmut said ok and appologized.

 

1 Month later we had a huge festivale tournament in neighbour city, all the famous players from Istanbul was coming and this was what Mahmut was waiting for to prove himself. He was waiting to especially kill the famous Melih Ozdil if gets a chance. He had been talking about all the way during the travel in the bus to neighbour city (Mersin)

 

Anyway, tournament end and i was going thru score sheets. I saw one of the boards where almost all EW made 2♦+1 9 tricks. And i saw 1 score that says 2♦ doubled = for NS. I checked it was Melih Ozdil who made it and i went to him to correct the score. He said the score is correct, he played 3-3 fit and made it. Of course this was against Mahmut and Orhan.

 

So i walked towards Mahmut and Orhan who was sitting at the table, and obviously they werent happy. And i asked "How did it go ?"

 

Mahmut jumped from his chair but suddenly remembered his promise to his pd and then started telling " OUR bidding was ( pointing himself with his hand) was great, but WE (pointing his pd with his finger) didnt play or defend good at all " :D

 

Anyone from Adana Bridge Club can comfirm this story :)

[the hog]

Love it Mr. Ace

[y66]

That Mahmut story is hilarious.

[1eyedjack]

Can't top Mahmut,

 

Couple of trivial ones:

 

N S

1H 2C

2H 2S

3C 3D

3H 4C

4D 4N

5D 6H

P

 

East leads face down, asks "Any questions, P?"

West: "Is that Benji?"

 

On another occasion, about 15 rounds of bidding starting with a strong 1C and positive response, culminates in 6N redoubled in an otherwise uncontested auction.

Partner (validly) claims 12 tricks before the dummy goes down.

One defender asks the other: "Why did you double?"

Other defender: "They didn't ask for aces".

[Yu18772]

At large MP event, few years ago.

In 3rd seat I pick up AQTxx,Axxxxx,x,x. Partner opens 2♥ (=♥+other 5:5 or better, 6-10HCP), the bidding goes:

P-RHO-Me-LHO

2♥-4♠-X-4NT

P-5♣-6♥-*X

P-P-P

 

Before doubling LHO: "What does 6H mean?"

My partner (rather amused) "I think to play...."

 

http://www.bridgebase.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

But Mahmut is definitely the top story so far

[Free]

1♣-4♣-4NT-pass

 

Opener: why do you pass my Blackwood?

Responder : why do you show 3 Aces when you can only have 2?

[Trinidad]

A few months ago, I played a small tournament (a café drive) with my very best friend. He is the nicest guy I know with everything you could want in a friend, except for one thing: He hadn't played a single hand of bridge in his life. I had just taught him the game one morning, constructed the simplest of bidding systems, and we took the plunge into the bridge scene. Bridgetechnically, the only thing skills that he had were a good sense of humor and the ability to bluff.

 

Before the start of the event, I introduce him to my friends from the bridge club that played in the same tournament and they are all flabbergasted that he has the guts to enter a bridge tournament without any knowledge of the game. After the first round is over, we walk together with some of my fellow club members towards the next playing location. My friend says with an incredible poker face: "How should I have bid that 7♠?"

 

I burst out laughing, since we had only partscores in the first round. My bridge friends are laughing, appreciating a good bluff when they see one. But then it dawned on me: He wasn't talking about a slam hand. He meant the hand where he had a seven card spade suit where we let the opponents make 2♣.

 

We had a fun day and ended 91st or so out of 110. And... he wants to play again.

 

Rik

[Free]

Reminds me of some story. A new guy doesn't know anything about the game. His partner tells him "just bid what you have". So the auction goes something like:

1♣-1♥

2♦-2♠

3♠-3NT

7♥-pass

Nobody understands anything of this, but opener is very pleased with his auction. He even makes his contract! He had a 3=7=2=1 and bid "what he had": singleton ♣, 2 ♦s, 3 ♠s and 7 ♥s... :rolleyes:

[manudude03]

From http://www.pattayabridge.com/BridgeJokes_main.htm:

 

Just bid what you've got

 

A competitor was called away on an emergency from a bridge tournament, with still the last board to play. So the players asked a kibitzer to take his place although he knew nothing about the game. They told him "Just bid what you've got and follow suit". He sat South and the following bidding sequence ensued:

 

 

Dealer: _______♠A9 ________________West North East South

South _______♥AKQ65 _______________- - - 1♣

Both vul_______♦AK _______________pass 2♥ pass 2♠

______♣Q1054 _______________pass 3♣ pass 3♥

♠KQ108 ______________♠76542____________pass 4NT pass 7♦

♥J1097 _______________♥8 ________dbl all pass

♦Q10 ______________♦J9

♣KJ8 ______________♣987632

______________♠J3

______________♥432

______________♦8765432

______________♣A

 

South took the lead of the king of spades with the ace, cashed the ace and king of trumps, came to hand with the ace of clubs and played all his diamonds.

 

On the last one, West was hopelessly squeezed in hearts and spades, and ultimately discarded a heart, whereupon South made the last four tricks in hearts.

 

When the opposition saw South's hand, they called the director, who asked for an explanation of the bidding, and got the following reply…

 

 

"I was told to bid what I've got, and I have one club, 2 spades, 3 hearts and 7 diamonds!"

 

Seems a little familiar to Free's last comment :) (quote was edited purely for formatting issues)

[olegru]

Long ago. One of my first tournaments and the first tournament for my partner.

I open 4♠.

Opp: "How strong is it?"

Partner: "Should be strong. He wants to play game."

Opp: "Do you have any stronger opening bids?"

Partner: "Yes, of cause. 6♠ and 7♠."

[Trinidad]

I declared one hand in the 28 board tournament that my friend (from #18) and I played. He declared two. (You can imagine that I was pretty tired after defending 25 boards with a partner who doesn't have a clue ;) )

 

This hand was one that he declared:

[hv=pc=n&s=saqjhak832d7ckj74&w=skt653hjdkqj654ct&n=s9872hq9754dcq852&e=s4ht6dat9832ca963&d=w&v=0&b=24&a=2d(Weak%202)p5dppp&p=s8s4sas3hahjh4h6hkdjh5htd4h7dad7cac4ctc2c3c7d5c5sks7c6sqs5s2d2sjc9cjd6c8]399|300[/hv]

We had agreed to play everything natural (except 2♣) with weak two openings: 6-10 HCPs and a good six card suit. My friend in the West seat certainly had 6-10 HCPs and a good six card suit, so he knew what to do. When I saw him open 2♦, I knew that we were going to have a good board. After all, a weak 2 in diamonds is practically extinct in The Netherlands. I would just raise to game and the opponents would not be able to find their double fit in the majors... (LOL).

 

My friend played it well and claimed in trick 10. ;)

 

Rik

[Free]

Seems a little familiar to Free's last comment :) (quote was edited purely for formatting issues)

Well yeah, it's a classic ofcourse ;)

[Free]

One you only encounter online. You're declaring a hopeless contract, your opps blunder multiple times and as a result you make it. Partner is the first to react with the most unapplicable 3 letters: "WDP"... :rolleyes:

[Zelandakh]

In the Acol club this is usually written as "vwpp". I really hate this when I am one of the hapless defenders´... :blink: ;)