How do you cope with defeat?

[Hanoi5]

The goal in all sort of competitions is winning. Yes, competing, being there is wonderful, marvelous, whatever tickles your fancy but, you're there to win. Even if you know you can't have the whole tournament, you'd love to win at least a session, or a match or beat certain pair.

 

So how do you feel when you lose? And, especially, how do you feel when you made a clear mistake that you should not make? How do you manage to overcome that at the table and before going home? Also, do you ever make a stupid mistake like miscounting trumps or not planning an easy hand correctly? How do you react to that? What's the solution to this? How do you keep concentration so that this kind of mistakes won't happen?

[kenrexford]

If it ever happens, I suppose I'll at least be happy that my batting percentage can be read. 1.000 could be one at bat. 0.999 means about 100+ at bats and a very good swing. B)

[ArtK78]

I guess, Ken, that it all comes down to how we define "losing."

 

You appear to be using a variant of the old George Burns method. I believe it was George Burns who said that he started each day by turning to the obituaries column in the newspaper. If his name was not listed, he got out of bed.

[helene_t]

I always make some good decisions and some bad decisions. Try to learn from both. (Not very succesful at that, but that's a different issue). Whether I happen to win or lose is immaterial.

 

Might sound as if I over-estimate my own psychological strength, but as a statistician I'm aware that my upps and downs could just be normal fluctuations. Of course I feel good about winning and bad about losing, but I consider those feelings irrational.

 

It has not always been like that. I used to blame all partnership failure on partner. (Teams is better because it is less obnoxious to blame teammates than to blame p). I may still have a slight bias towards blaming p rather than myself, but it is much less severe than it was.

 

In other ares (than bridge), winning and losing may have more impact. Work, for example. I'm terrible at dealing with losses in such areas. As soon as something goes wrong, I give up, persuade myself that I can't be bothered, and run away.

[joker_gib]

I hate to lose and I lose more than I win !

 

I hate this game ! :o

 

Alain

[whereagles]

I hate losing, so I see that it doesn't happen at table.. lol.

[Guest Jlall]

If I lose it sucks, I whine a bit and tilt off some money in poker or whatever, then play again. Losing is part of bridge, you just have to accept it. But I still invest a lot emotionally into winning so it's still painful to me to lose, but you get over it before the next session.

[pclayton]

If you are somewhere between a Bermuda Bowl winner and a rank novice, this rates to be an issue.

 

My personal feeling is, "I enjoy winning". Obviously I never win every event I play in, so can I also be unaffected by losing? I don't think these states can peacefully co-exist in one's psyche.

 

The fact is, I hate losing. I probably hate losing more that I like winning to be honest. When I lose there is invariably something I could have done personally different to affect the outcome. Losing should make you work harder on your game so its not a bad thing.

 

The other thing to realize is that as a developing player you will make at least several mistakes a session, probably more. Don't ever get down on yourself after you've flubbed a hand, and don't ever let a mistake affect the next board. This includes keeping your trap shut when your partner errs.

 

Here's another little secret: if you are intermediate / advanced (-), you can glide through a session and think you are playing error-free bridge. The fact is you are making mistakes you don't even realize, because they may not manifest themselves as a bad result, or may 'fix' the opponents so a mistake may mask itself as a brilliancy. I remember 5-7 years ago feeling very cocky since I thought I made a maximum of 1-2 errors a session, but what was occurring was I didn't have a clue what was really going on, although I was playing reasonably good bridge.

 

Later on, you'll be more aware of most of the things you could have done different, and can work on them. Of course, I still make mistakes that I don't realize, but these are fewer and fewer, but I still strive to be objective and try to make the 'right' play or the 'right' call whenever possible.

[Hanoi5]

Later on, you'll be more aware of most of the things you could have done different, and can work on them. Of course, I still make mistakes that I don't realize, but these are fewer and fewer, but I still strive to be objective and try to make the 'right' play or the 'right' call whenever possible.

 

That's exactly the problem! I've been playing for a long time. I know almost all of the mistakes I make but I only realize it after making them. As I said in my post it's something like losing the concentration, it's terible. I can squeeze people, count hands and see plays not many people where I play see, but I make some really amazing mistakes.

 

Yesterday I was playing this 4♥ contract and I miscounted the trumps which in the end resulted in going down in an easy contract and losing 14 imps! This is the kind of mistakes I want to overcome.

[Al_U_Card]

Win or lose, I like to determine the quality and effect of my play and the understanding that what I just did affords me in the continuing evolution of my abilities in this almost infinite pursuit.

 

Sometimes, when I feel frisky, I will try some intuition, just to throw off the shackles of calculations and percentages. :P

[Guest Jlall]

Yesterday I was playing this 4♥ contract and I miscounted the trumps which in the end resulted in going down in an easy contract and losing 14 imps! This is the kind of mistakes I want to overcome.

So overcome them. IMO these mistakes should NEVER happen if you are a serious player. They should not be hard to cut out, just play slower and maintain your focus. Online these mistakes will happen if you're not taking it too seriously which is fine, but again if you are taking it seriously it should not happen.

[Hanoi5]

Exactly. I need to be more serious. Any way I can do that? Do I flail myself after a mistake? How do I conquer my will?

[pclayton]

Exactly. I need to be more serious. Any way I can do that? Do I flail myself after a mistake? How do I conquer my will?

Yes thats the spirit.

 

Us catholics have used a cilice and a hair shirt for centuries :P

[Guest Jlall]

Exactly. I need to be more serious. Any way I can do that? Do I flail myself after a mistake? How do I conquer my will?

I really beat myself up for mistakes that I view as "clearly" wrong if I am playing serious bridge, I am pretty brutal with myself, some say that is bad but I think it is bad because I am too scared now to do things like miscount or forget a card :P Not sure how to be "more serious" it's probably different for everyone. Just get into good habits.

[BillHiggin]

I expect some loses, but always feel poorly when it happens. If I am seldom losing, I look for a bigger challenge. If I do lose, then I try to examine the poor results to see if there is something that needs fixing.

 

I do succomb to olds-timers disease from time to time. When that happens, I try to remind myself to focus more.

 

The thing that can put me on tilt is criticism from partner at the table. I hate that. Unfortunately, there are instances when I commit the same crime - perfection is still just a future goal.

[awm]

Something that helps a bit is redefining "winning." Especially in strong pairs events, you're not going to finish first very often. If not placing first is "losing" then you're going to do a lot of losing. :P

 

Typically my goal is to play well in various events; if I feel that I played my best game I'm usually happy even if this didn't result in a first place finish. For national-level pair events, making the final day or placing in the overalls can be a better goal than winning the whole thing.

 

Of course in head to head KO matches you win or lose and there's not much more to it. This is part of why I tend to avoid head to head KO matches unless I feel I have a strong team.

[helene_t]

Right. When signing up for the Scheveningen Butler, we were asked if we played 1.-2. league, 3.-4. league or 5th league. I have once reached the 6th and my p never played competition at all so we thought anything above the 10th percentile would be great. Scored 50 IMPs on 24 boards so reached the final (not sure how many from each of the strada went to the final but obviously it was dominated by higher stratum pairs). There we ended 48th of 50 which we considered a victory :)

[hrothgar]

Odor eaters and clean socks

[pclayton]

Something that helps a bit is redefining "winning." Especially in strong pairs events, you're not going to finish first very often. If not placing first is "losing" then you're going to do a lot of losing. :)

 

Typically my goal is to play well in various events; if I feel that I played my best game I'm usually happy even if this didn't result in a first place finish. For national-level pair events, making the final day or placing in the overalls can be a better goal than winning the whole thing.

 

Of course in head to head KO matches you win or lose and there's not much more to it. This is part of why I tend to avoid head to head KO matches unless I feel I have a strong team.

Indeed. When I think of winning and losing, I think in terms of a KO match. Winning and losing are binary.

 

In a big pair event, setting interim goals makes a lot of sense. For an event like the 6 session LM's a sensible goal is to make it to the 2nd or the 3rd day.

 

Say your goal was the 3rd day. if you have a decent 1st final session and you are sitting 30th, you might say, I want to make the top 10. If you have a great 1st session, I wouldn't even say anything, since the ultimate goal is within reach.

 

But if you start the event and say, "My goal is to win the event", I think you'll be disappointed a lot.

[MickyB]

So overcome them. IMO these mistakes should NEVER happen if you are a serious player. They should not be hard to cut out, just play slower and maintain your focus. Online these mistakes will happen if you're not taking it too seriously which is fine, but again if you are taking it seriously it should not happen.

I find it impossible to avoid these mistakes online, even if I'm taking the game fairly seriously. Don't know why - guess I'm distracted by simple things like checking my email...plus it feels less acceptable to think for a while when playing online.

[matmat]

this thread reminds me that i need a new punching bag...

[MFA]

Yesterday I was playing this 4♥ contract and I miscounted the trumps which in the end resulted in going down in an easy contract and losing 14 imps! This is the kind of mistakes I want to overcome.

So overcome them. IMO these mistakes should NEVER happen if you are a serious player. They should not be hard to cut out, just play slower and maintain your focus. Online these mistakes will happen if you're not taking it too seriously which is fine, but again if you are taking it seriously it should not happen.

This is SO important! Never is the right word here.

As an aspiring bridge player, I read Hamman's book, and this is one of two lessons I will never forget. Don't blow up the easy ones, just don't. Is ok to go astray in a hard problem, but the easy ones...

 

(The second lesson: Move on to the next board)

 

When I lose, I tend to evaluate my own performance. Take a hard look, did you do ok? Board by board. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no. But in a sense I need to know to be able to move on to the next tournament (or session).

[kenrexford]

I guess, Ken, that it all comes down to how we define "losing."

 

You appear to be using a variant of the old George Burns method. I believe it was George Burns who said that he started each day by turning to the obituaries column in the newspaper. If his name was not listed, he got out of bed.

:)

[blackshoe]

Us catholics have used a cilice and a hair shirt for centuries :)

I was familiar with the term "hair shirt", but I hadn't heard "cilice" before. I looked it up on Merriam-Webster Online, but they tried to extort money from me, so I turned to Wikipedia. That source claims that a cilice is a hair shirt. :)

[Impact]

Well , on Monday we played against the team which finished 5th in BB last month and on the 3rd board I went off in a game where I thought I could have made on a slightly better line, and one opponent smirked.

 

I hunkered down and played error -free tiger bridge for the remainder of the night.

 

result: 48 imps to 3 in our favour.

 

PS I think the alternative line is better but Deep Finesses says I should still have failed...

 

Go over the hands win lose or draw to see what else could be done.

 

If I think that with the information available I would make the same bids/plays again, I have played as well as it is possible for me...but even recognition of potential double-dummy positions and/or additional chances to give the opponents room to go wrong are worthy of consideration for the (continual) learning curve...

 

NB we criticised our teammate in game who failed to take a safety play to cater for trumps 4-0 offside AND a sidesuit breaking 4-1 (even more so as the initial safety play does NOT cost a trick on the actual lie of the cards: trumps 2-2 and sidesuit 3-2), so it is well to be brutal to yourselves on analysis...

 

I think it is very rare to have a session where you can say it was truly error-free : MAYBE ONCE A YEAR AFTER CLOSE ANALYSIS IF REALLY ON-SONG based on this style (and at MP pairs it is almost impossible).

 

What happens is that most of us focus on the matches we lose where we actually played pretty well and the cards & opponents "conspired to beat us" eg you bid 3 good (better than 60%) slams all of which fail and your opponents bid none of them OR system plays a part in dictating declarer and the killing lead comes from one side etc

 

These things happen - but then so do the hands where system /luck favours you in similar dollops: it is just that you don't tend to recognise that for what it is!

 

My partner loves to win, whereas I look for something akin to practical perfection for satisfaction.....

 

regards