Avoiding CHO

[Quantumcat]

I really want to learn how to be a good partner - does anyone have good advice and tips?

 

I've realised I sometimes do things that in various posts, people have said are awful habits for a good partnership. For example, asking partner, "why did you do such and such?", and various other bits and pieces that perhaps lots of people do without realising.

 

What is a good strategy for going over the hands together after duplicate sessions, avoiding sounding like one person is being blamed, and for both of us to learn as much as possible from each hand? (I kind of turn off if partner says things like, "what on earth possessed you to lead that?" or "Can't you count? The contract should have gone down" etc. I imagine partner does too when I say things like that - we don't learn how we should have handled the hand when that happens)

 

Any other advice much appreciated! This is my first proper partnership and I'd love it to develop into a good and solid one.

[ArcLight]

1. Does pard really want to know their mistakes. I do, but not everyone can take seeing LOTS of mistakes.

 

2. Point out your mistakes

 

3. Praise pards good plays

 

4. If there was a bidding misunderstanding, treat it as a problem area, to be reviewed again, so that you are both in agreement. For example, there was a post on a different thread about the meaning of this X

 

1♣ - p - 1♥ - p

2♣ - X

 

Traditionally this is a penalty double, though some modern pairs use it as take out.

Make a list of these problem bids and review them, so you are in agreement.

 

5. Declarer play isn't really part of the partnership, but hopefully both pards will ask if they made an obvious mistake. Then you can point out "if you first duck the X, then you can handle the 4-1 splits which occur 28% of the time..."

 

6. Defense is easier in a way to review because you can go over specific signals and plays. If an opening lead was obviously bad, based on the bidding , you can go over that also.

 

7. "Can't you count? The contract should have gone down" = while this is not the diplomatic way of making an important point, its a fundamental error to not count, and most of us need to improve upon it. If I'm aware of how bad a job I'm doing it will hopefully cause me to focus harder.

[helene_t]

It costs me a lot of effort to teach myself not to comment on p's bidding. I'm not saying that I never do it anymore but at least I do it a lot less than I used to.

 

I think the root of the problem is that to build a partnership you need to discuss a lot with p, yet many partnerships barely see each other except at the bridge table, or if they do they have other things to discuss than bridge, or they cannot discuss a particular hand because they don't (both) remember it. So they are desperately short of time to discuss partnership agreements, and therefore try to spend the 10 secs between the boards and the 30 secs between the rounds for that purpose.

 

So you should aks yourself (and p) what the purpose of the partnership is. If it is to win, you really need to allocate a lot of time to partnership building. For me I think it would work te spend some five or six hours for discussion and training with bidding contests or playing against GIBs for every 3 hours of tournament bridge.

 

If the purpose is to learn, it's basically the same except that playing against weak opposition is a vaste of time. Play against strong opposition and take classes together. Only play in events where the deals are computer generated so that you get a sheet with the boards and your results at the end of the event.

 

If the purpose is to enjoy the social life at the bridge club, that's fine as well. Then you might invest all the time you have for bridge in club evenings but that means that you're not there to learn and you're not there to win. Teach yourself not to care a flying f... about the bidding misunderstandings and p's brain farts.

[kenrexford]

The short answer is to watch me play and then not do what I do. Being a good partner is an easy thing to do, unless you cannot seem to do it, in which case it is very hard.

 

On a more specific note, however, I have found that a few ideas help for those of us who struggle with the concept of being a good partner.

 

One idea is to recognize that some of partner's errors (and they do occur) do not cost the contract on defense. Instead, they require you to change tacks and make a much more spectacular defensive play. That should be welcomed. Rather than throwing up your hands in disgust that partner missed the obvious diamond switch, stop immediately and assess whether that blunder actually cost a trick or not. Very often your frustration will blind you to a recovery play that you spot after the hand is over. Keep your cool, and reassess.

 

Another idea is to preempt the error. All too often, partner misses what seems obvious to you. Well, if it happens enough, why are you surprised? If you approach a defensive problem with an expectation that partner will, in fact, make a critical error at such-and-such point, many times you can prevent that error with a somewhat different line. Overtake to make the right switch yourself. Take the aggressive position that is 80% right but needs nothing from partner as to skill rather than the 90% line that requires partner to be on the same page. Make more obvious signals. A great example was when, playing upside-down signals, I threw the King in a suit I bid under partner's Ace, setting up Qx in dummy, to completely ensure that I received my spade ruff.

 

During the bidding, predict two relevant possibilities for partner's hand. Predict what he will do after two plausible auctions. If you think he will read the situation right if you describe accurately, then describe accurately. By "accurately," I mean with a possible nuance that partner might miss. If, however, partner might not go right, figure out if a call from you that is plausible but not necessarily accurate might induce two different calls with each of the two hands you imagined. That call, then, will allow you to make the decision. Sure -- this sounds like masterminding. However, if you limit your use of this technique to plausible-alternative auctions, that's just good sense. An example might be to double in one situation but to overcall in another, each plausible, but each catering to partner's expected possible hands and the needs of the partnership because of partner's style and thinking.

 

Obviously, there are a world of other ideas, like being nice, discussion later rather than commenting immediately, and the like. Others will tell you about that. What I have used, however, to gain more composure is this idea of approaching partner's failings as challenges for me to overcome. I find myself changing my comments after the hand (still cannot stop talking) from "How can you not lead a diamond?!?!?" to "Sorry partner, I should have overtaken your King and switched to the diamond Jack, a surrounding play." Partner likes that better. Plus, I more often find the overtake and switch, calmly reaching the par result or a very good result, and no one knows that I just made a contextually amazing play, except me (which is what matters sometimes).

[BebopKid]

When I am playing with someone that I want to play with again...

 

I always tell my partner when I make a bidding mistake or play mistake so they won't get the wrong idea of what my bids or play should mean.

 

If you don't understand why partner made a certain bid or carding, discuss it. Tell partner what you play with other partners and ask what their bid/play promises in this situation so that the two of you can decide on a meaning for your partnership. It doesn't mean partner's bid/play was wrong, just that half of the partnership is confused.

 

For declarer play, when I give advice, I make sure to say something like, "After seeing the hand play, I think ..." This way partner doesn't take it as "Why didn't you play this you stupid ***?" Often, I wait until after the next round and say, "Back on board X, I think maybe doing this ..."

 

If partner doesn't like constructive comments, then I wouldn't play with them.

 

Without discussion, your partnership won't grow and become better.

[mycroft]

As a lot of people are sort of hinting at:

 

1) If it's a one-off, or a "friendly game", being a good partner means being down the middle and consistent ("yourself"), trying to give what partner wants, and shutting mouth and ears.

 

90% of "why did you" or "why didn't you" questions really mean "look how much smarter I am than you. Admit it!", and they won't quit asking until you do. In other words, they don't care about the answer, they just want to point out that they wouldn't have made the mistake.

 

I have a habit of answering those questions (except with my regular partners, unless the answer is actually correct - and then I am embarrassed!) with "because I'm an idiot" or "I lost my mind" or the like. It usually stops them in their tracks.

 

2) If you're trying to set up a real partnership, everything above goes out the window. You *must* talk about the issues, the miscommunications, and the "why did you"s (again, not the "I'm better than you", but "Because you did that, I expected you to have..." or "Here's what I was trying to say with (). Obviously you didn't get it. What did you think it meant?"). Note these are totally different "why did you"s - if partner can't see he did anything wrong after seeing all 52 cards, why are you playing with him?

 

If you're one of those people who can, away from the table, between rounds, is fine - at least for training matches. But there's a wonderful thing called hand records which means you never *have to*. If not, that's what the bar is for. Use it (or the non-alcohol equivalent). Discuss, in detail, the bad and the good hands, and how you could do better, or whether what you did on the good hand is worth enough to keep officially.

 

However, even with (maybe especially with) partnership partners, be quiet, calm, and even at the table. For one thing, it *really annoys* the opponents. For another, it is very easy to rattle partner, as you are the only person in the room that wants him to do well. If he is confident that you are and will remain on his side no matter what for the rest of these 20-odd boards, it's a real boost.

 

I learned two things from one of my much better partners:

- When a hand is over, it's OVER. If you think about it afterward, you will make a mistake on the next hand.

- Do you think I can play? Of course, that's why you agreed to play with me. So, when you're dummy, shut off. Push cards and save your energy for the next hand. It has the nice side effect of not noticing partner's declarer mistakes, so you won't ask about them. Partner will tell you if he could have made it, trust me.

 

These are HARD lessons to learn, and they need to keep being relearned. But they will pay off in matchpoints, IMPs and reputation.

 

If you're a good partner, people will want to play with you - better people because they know they'll have a good time, people on your level, because you make them better by being a good partner.

 

Michael "Experts play with me" F.

[mycroft]

Oops, one more:

 

When dummy comes down, look at it and say "thank you partner." (I in fact, say "Thank you partner. Nice hand.") Every time. Automatically. And the next words you say, after an appropriate time, are "<card>, please." Never give the opponents the thought that you're in a bad contract, or a good contract - and never show your partner that dummy doesn't look like you expect - even when he knows better.

 

Similarly, when dummy, put your hand down and say "good luck, partner." And that's it.

 

Michael.

[zasanya]

1)Find a person with whom you are comfortable even when you are not playing or discussing bridge.

2)You must have reasonable faith in her card play although you know she may not be an expert.

3)Both of you should be prepared to work hard on whatever bidding system you are employing.

4)During serious play Do not discuss or even indicate that she might have made a mistake.

5)Make a note of all the things that could have ben improved on.I usually insist on writing the score on our private score card where I can mark the deals which need discussion.

6)During play there will be moments when Partner will be depressed.Be ready with a comment which shows you sympathize and which will lighten her mood.

6)Discuss all the relevant deals after the session.Start with whatever mistakes you might have made and then ask her whether she would like to discuss her mistakes.

All the time it should be clear to both that the idea is to improve the Partnership performance and not finding faults.

[pclayton]

I have two speeds for one partner - 'training' and 'performance'.

 

If we are playing in a club game, and for fun, or even a sectional, I don't care as much about winning, and I will generally be a little tougher on my pards. I think I have an obligation to give them feedback on my thoughts as far as carding and bidding. Additionally, I hope to obtain insight from them on what their views are. As a practical matter, we don't always go to a bar and ruminate for 3 hours afterward. Issues need to handled during the game on the spot, as long as they don't hold up the game or cause distractions. If people get p.o.'d, we'll step out of the playing area.

 

If its an important event - Regionals, District NAOP or GNT or NABC's, we are in 'performance mode'. Nothing gets discussed at the table. Politeness rules. We try to keep each other as loose as possible. This is when your teamwork needs to come together to achieve a common goal.

 

I'm ambivalent about discussing things between sessions. If I feel we are in contention for anything meaningful, I'll try to keep discussions to a minimum, but if we are just playing to finish, I'm a little more relaxed about these rules.

[awm]

1. Don't criticize partner's declarer play. If this is hard for you, try not to pay any attention to partner's declarer play at all (even easier on BBO than in person). It's okay to answer questions if partner asks how to play some hand better, but don't initiate anything.

 

2. Admit when you make a mistake. This sets a good tone for the partnership, and partner will feel more comfortable discussing issues if you occasionally apologize for doing something wrong.

 

3. Recognize that defense is a partnership issue. Rather than approach problems with "why did you make that stupid play?" instead ask "could I have done something to make this defense easier for you?" One skill that distinguishes advanced from expert players (I mean real experts, not BBO experts) is the ability to make defense easier for partner.

 

4. Make sure to play system/conventions that are comfortable for both players. Sometimes this is a "make or break" deal for partnerships, but in any pair you have to be willing to compromise a bit. Don't try to force partner to play all your pet methods -- even if partner is willing to try this, it tends to reduce his or her comfort level with the system.

 

5. Find time to discuss bidding away from the table. Defensive problems sometimes need to be addressed right away (while they're still fresh in both players' minds) but bidding can usually be addressed after the session.

[pclayton]

3. Recognize that defense is a partnership issue. Rather than approach problems with "why did you make that stupid play?" instead ask "could I have done something to make this defense easier for you?" One skill that distinguishes advanced from expert players (I mean real experts, not BBO experts) is the ability to make defense easier for partner.

I think this is a little transparent. "could I have done something to make this defense easier for you?" translates directly into "nice play, dumbshit".

 

If you want to smooth things over after pard's defensive blunder, I would blame myself if I had the option of signals to choose, even if the signaling only indirectly contributed to the problem.

 

If there was absolutely nothing I could have done, the only thing you can say is, "you had a tough problem. I would have done the same thing".

 

If pard did something really really stupid, just smile. He knows he made a mistake. If he wants to hear something reassuring from you, he'll make a comment. Say something like, "no prob, stuff happens".

[P_Marlowe]

Hi,

 

I just skimmed through the article you find below

http://www.cs.sfu.ca/~bbart/personal/artic...artnership.html

 

Another comment taken from "How the Expert win at Bridge":

Treat your partnership like a business, and your partner as

a business partner:

Be clear about the goals of the partnership. Find out, if you have

similar ambitions with regard to the success you want to achieve.

It does the partnership no good, if one partner wants to play

nationals and is prepared to invest Months in partnership exercises

and drive thousands of miles and the other one just wants to play

for fun including some local tournaments, which take place around

the corner.

Knowing how much time each partner has available, helps you also

to decide which conventions are helpful and which are just garbage

due to frequency issues.

 

With kind regards

Marlowe

 

PS: You find the "Ten Golden Partnership Rules" also in Marty Bergens

"Points Schmoints".

[mikeh]

1. Subordinate your ego as a player to the partnership: I wrote that early in my postings to the Forum, but I am still convinced that this is critical. What follows is simply a list of some of the ways you can make it happen.

 

2. Never tell anyone else of partner's mistakes

 

3. Tell others of partner's good bids/plays, especially when he/she is around

 

4. When comparing in a team-match, never discuss your bad results (or undeserved lucky ones) with teammates. Just imp the boards

 

5. Mistakes by either partner are within the partnership. You can seek help from more experienced players (or peers) but never say or hint which of you did what. Try to include partner in the discussion, so that he can partake in the discussion of the merits of the ideas.

 

6. Unless the problem needs fixing immediately (the meaning of an auction that might come up again in the rest of the session), discuss issues after the session. If it needs fixing right away: say 'we'll play it your way for now.. but we have to talk about it later'

 

7. Don't condescend in your discussions. Unless you are in a mentor relationship, be blunt... but also be aware that your partner may well have a rational explanation for his choice of bid or play and be prepared to recognize and admit when he does. This discussion is not about who is right.. it is about the partnership getting it right the next time. In a mentor relationship, be more patient or careful.

 

8. Don't cater to his mistakes.. I reject Ken's advice in this regard. The best way to learn is through suffering the consequences of a mistake... and it builds confidence...partner grows to appreciate that you are respecting his game, not making second-best or inferior bids or plays because you don't respect his game. Partner will try harder to hold up his end if he knows that you expect him to play well. No one board determines an event.. even those where you lose by 1 imp or 1/2 a matchpoint... there were other opportunities, and you are growing a partnership for the next event(s) not this board.

 

9. Remember that in a successful partnership, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. While I am not shy about my ability level, I am not as good a player as my best partnership was.. if you know what I mean. When I was in that partnership, my performance at the table was better than it has been at any other time because (as a result of literally hundreds and hundreds of hours of discussion) we had a very good feel for each other's game and we trusted each other. You can make great bids and great defensive plays if you KNOW that partner understands. I liken playing bridge in a good partnership to a high-wire trapeze act: each player can rely on partner to do the right thing.. to be there when one partner lets go of the trapeze to perform a brilliant manouvre in mid-air. Until you've done it, you won't be sure that both you and partner, as a team, are up to it. But do it a number of times, even if you fail on the first few occasions, and you will grow, in skill and confidence, together.

[Echognome]

To answer the part about what the best way to go over the hands is, I found that going over all the hands together in a group worked really well. You don't have to even play the same system as others in the group to get something out of it. In England, a group of around 5-8 of us typically went to the pub after any session. We would go board by board and discuss our various bidding problems, declarer play, or defense. We would often be asked to cover up all hands except for one and bid and then maybe play the hand afterwards. This was great as we often got a lot of views on the hand, discussed the various meanings of bids, learned about other people's systems, etc. It was also good that the atmosphere was more of debating the various merits of bids, plays, etc rather than trying to find the blame. Since mistakes were made all around by various people, the focus wasn't on any one player. Even if I didn't have time to make the game, I would sometimes just show up for the post mortem in the pub. Besides, it was having some beers with friends and discussing bridge hands. I wish they had more of that atmosphere where I am in the states.

[Badmonster]

The biggest thing for me is not discussing at the table. This is especially easy online. If you're playing with someone you're developing a partnership with, why not agree to stop a half hour early and then go to a chat room and look at each hand in turn? You can get them from My Hands at bridgebase.com. Doesn't get easier.

 

Why does this make a difference? I don't know. Also, everyone makes a mistake, so I don't really like to point out mistakes. It's much better to discuss misunderstandings and things that keep coming up.

[Echognome]

If you're playing with someone you're developing a partnership with, why not agree to stop a half hour early and then go to a chat room and look at each hand in turn? You can get them from My Hands at bridgebase.com. Doesn't get easier.

It does get easier. :)

 

Log them to your computer and pull them up off your hard-drive. Then go to a teach table and analyze the hands. Or pull them up on the movie button in a chat room and post them. It's a nice way to see them.

[pclayton]

9. Remember that in a successful partnership, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. While I am not shy about my ability level, I am not as good a player as my best partnership was.. if you know what I mean. When I was in that partnership, my performance at the table was better than it has been at any other time because (as a result of literally hundreds and hundreds of hours of discussion) we had a very good feel for each other's game and we trusted each other. You can make great bids and great defensive plays if you KNOW that partner understands. I liken playing bridge in a good partnership to a high-wire trapeze act: each player can rely on partner to do the right thing.. to be there when one partner lets go of the trapeze to perform a brilliant manouvre in mid-air. Until you've done it, you won't be sure that both you and partner, as a team, are up to it. But do it a number of times, even if you fail on the first few occasions, and you will grow, in skill and confidence, together.

Best thing I've read on BBF in the last 6 months.

[Free]

Imo, the best approach to grow in a partnership is when both players try to find their own mistakes, and can accept when partner points out one you didn't realise yourself. If it's not immediately clear who made an error, you should be able to just put it aside and discuss it afterwards.

 

From experience, I know that a simple "sorry p, (probably) should've done this instead of that" or "sorry, I fell asleep, awake now" can do wonders to cope with blunders as a pair. It gives partner the message you know what went wrong, and that there's room for improvement since you realise your own mistakes. Partner can easily let it go and concentrate for a full 100% on the next board.

If you just sit there like nothing happened, your partner can easily get annoyed: should he point out what ridiculous play you just made, should he realize that you fell asleep, or should he just shut up and talk about it afterwards (and hope it doesn't come up again this session)? And what if he tells you what's wrong, how will you react? Lots of wasted energy, unnecessary questions, useless stress and an increase in doubt just because one player refuses to say that simple word "sorry"...

[Guest Jlall]

I didn't read any of this so sorry if its a repeat but

 

1) Don't say anything at the table. Ever.

 

2) I think when you're going over the hands everything is fair game. Go nuts, tell each other what idiots you think the other one is etc. Most people will not agree with this advice but if you're going to be a successful partnership then you need to think on the same wavelength, and if you want to improve together this is really necessary. Don't sugarcoat. If your goal is not to be successful and improve then just be cordial or whatever. You will both need thick skin for this to work.

[Finch]

I think there is one very important point that has been implied but not said: to have a really successful partnership there has to be mutual respect. Your partner needs to know that when you suggest a different bid/play would be better you are genuinely interested in improving the partnership results and not proving how clever you are.

 

There are various ways to show you respect your partner. Some have been explained here, but here are some of the others:

 

- don't hog the declarership.

- don't treat partner like an idiot in the defence (here I also disagree with Ken). Finding a defence that stops partner going wrong is good partnership bridge; playing for a less likely layout that doesn't need partner's cooperation is not.

- don't bid on the assumption partner has no judgement

 

(I'm not going to say things like 'don't pass forcing bids' because partnership discipline such as this is really a matter of partnership style/agreement than an absolute)

 

When you are playing with a pick-up partner, or someone you don't respect, you may make calls & defences designed not to need partner's input. If you are trying to develop a partnership then you don't do that.

 

The other way to show respect is to confirm to partner's foibles. If he says he hates psyches and never wants you to psyche, then don't psyche until you can persuade him differently.

[Finch]

...and my pet peeve. Maybe it's just me, but the biggest rows I have with my partners are when they absolutely won't admit they were wrong. Even when team-mates, all experts consulted, everyone and their pet cat says they were wrong, they will just refuse to discuss it any more....

 

2. Never tell anyone else of partner's mistakes

 

I disagree with this one. The teams events I enjoy most (though actually not my most successful teams) are when I am playing with one particular good friend & regular partner, and scoring up with my husband and his partner. Our partnerships stay sweet and harmonious because my husband & I can moan to each other about our partners' absurdities without anyone else knowing.

[mikeh]

...and my pet peeve. Maybe it's just me, but the biggest rows I have with my partners are when they absolutely won't admit they were wrong. Even when team-mates, all experts consulted, everyone and their pet cat says they were wrong, they will just refuse to discuss it any more....

 

2. Never tell anyone else of partner's mistakes

 

I disagree with this one. The teams events I enjoy most (though actually not my most successful teams) are when I am playing with one particular good friend & regular partner, and scoring up with my husband and his partner. Our partnerships stay sweet and harmonious because my husband & I can moan to each other about our partners' absurdities without anyone else knowing.

Ok, Frances... I admit that I didn't think this through... but would you still tell Jeffrey about partner's mistakes if you knew that Jeffrey would go tell all of your friends? I meant, don't spread it around... and very few people other than spouses will keep that level of confidence. Debbie is the only third party to whom I moan about my partners .. because I know that she keeps it to herself.