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Humor saves the day.


Al_U_Card

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not bad, hopefully the denizens of this demeure are not totally humourless. Here are some more....

 

......WHERE CHANGING A LETTER CAN MAKE A WOR_D OF DIFFERENCE.

 

It's career day, and look what people are doing for a living!

 

Accountent; a circus administrater.

Administrayer; an office worker who can never be found at his desk.

Bater; a “hands-on” profession that you might not want to master.

Bitcher; they sell meat and complain a lot.

Cardinul; a religious leader who doesn't know how to deal.

Chaufleur; a driver for the "head" of the market. (Quebec only)

Comptriller; an accountant who likes to sing bank notes.

Consulcant; you hire them to tell you how not to do things.

Diplosat; what they spend most of their time doing.

Enginear; a scientist who is always "in your face".

Evandelist; preaches the gospel according to Saint Lucre.

Gymlast; an unsuccessful acrobat.

Intelpreter; explains how computers work.

Libratian; a kid who won't lend you his books.

Lumberback; what he does after a day's work.

Palitician; pretends to be your friend until he has your vote.

Palots; how much they receive each week for flying those planes.

Politeman; always tells criminals "Please stop, or I'll shoot!".

Prograber; a job that has to be taken seriously.

Raperboy; delivers more than the morning gazette.

Reautician; regrets having chosen hair-styling as a career.

Scienpist; a university graduate with "attitude".

Shephard; a real animal lover.

Short older cook; recently down-sized but has been able to find work.

Sleeplejack; never has to worry about asking for his job back.

Soldeer; mercenary willing to go to war for a "buck".

Solesman; hopes that you will buy that pair of shoes.

Stenograpler; what she usually does with the boss.

Stevedope; responsible for off-loading drug shipments.

Superviper; a boss who's a "snake in the grass".

Superviler; the superviper's boss.

Taxidrivel; invariably the nature of their conversation.

Teachar; shows you how to find the answers to burning questions.

Translater; a United Nations linguist who's a bit slow.

Vice-precident; always the first one to do something bad.

Vile-president; R.M. Nixon; W.J. Clinton etc. etc.

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The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

 

Here are the 2003 winners:

  • Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
  • Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
  • Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  • Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
  • Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
  • Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  • Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
  • Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  • Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
  • Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
  • Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
  • Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  • Glibido: All talk and no action.
  • Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
  • Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
  • Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  • Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
  • Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sorry folks, the wheels started turning and I feel the need to punish all of you:

 

High Carp Points - A fishy way of evaluating your hand.

 

Funesse - A finesse that makes when you really needed it to.

 

Squeezy - A simple squeeze.

 

Retoke - Illegally playing a card of the wrong suit because you got high (it makes more sense if you're familiar with the song).

 

Lead out of turd - A crappy choice of opening lead.

 

Blockwood - Asking for aces preemptively just to keep the opponents out of the auction.

 

Backlash - What you get from your partner when you mess up this squeeze play.

 

Transfir - Your partner forces you to bid a suit and you've got tree of dem.

 

 

Okay, I'll stop now.

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Why?  This was the point of the thread.  Well done.  Were that more of us would relax a bit and enjoy the site for its more social aspects.

I couldn't agree with you more. Not to worry, the stopping is only temporary until my medication wears off again. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

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